Something very unusual yet oddly reminiscent of my childhood, happened on Friday after I kissed Master right before he walked through the airport gates on his way to visit his family for the weekend. As I was driving back to our home I began to giggle little girl like bubbles of enthusiasm and as I turned up the music, singing loudly to my favourite pop tunes, I felt a rush of excitement. The traffic was insane and because it took more than 90 minutes to drive what normally takes ten, I found myself contemplating where my unexpected burst of child like giddiness was coming from. My thoughts drifted back and forth from wondering why, to belting out tune after tune, transforming into Ms. Spears, Fergie and Nelly Furtado. It was not until I had walked through the front door and was greeted by the quietness of the house that I realised where my devilish capriciousness was coming from.
I was on my own for the weekend.
Since moving in with Master last February, I have not spent a single night with only myself. Master has always been with me and in many ways, having Master gone for the weekend reminded me of those long forgotten days when I was a young teenager and my mum and dad trusted me to stay at home by myself. Just like those years when I was 15, 16, 17, a nervousness combined with a sense of naughty freedom consumed me and within minutes I found myself dancing throughout the house, listening to my happy tunes all while singing with wild abandonment.
I have spent the vast majority of my adult life living on my own. There have been odd occasions where I shared space with a flatmate; however, most of my time it was just me and although I do not regret the way I lived, (I absolutely enjoyed my independence), I would not trade a moment I have had with Master and I am extremely grateful to share a home with him. Still, there was something decadent about being on my own this weekend, something arousing about knowing I had to control myself, had to take care of myself all while still obeying Master, still being his devoted slave, still following his rules and expectations. The entire experience from the moment Master had me book his flight, to the money Master slipped into my palm, to the moment I picked pet up on my own, to right now where I am being cautious of the clock as I have to ensure I retire at my given bedtime, all have fed into my feelings of being owned, belonging to Master, of wanting to make Master proud, of having Master know he can trust his slave to be on her own and to ensure her behaviour is Master approved.
On that first night of being on my own, I found myself feeling ever so naughty for staying up past my 10pm bedtime, for not asking to eat or to pee and for walking around naked. I also found myself feeling slightly scared in the big house, feeling the shadows in the darkness and instead of sleeping in our bed, I found myself bringing our big heavy duvet downstairs so that I could fall asleep in front of the television, our two cats guarding me from the unknown.
When I woke on Saturday morning I was filled with an entirely new level of excitement; excitement and trepidation. Two weeks ago pet had approached me, asking if I wanted to spend the 12th with her. My initial thought was no, solely because Master was going to be away and the rules regarding time with pet state that there would be no play time when one half of our duo was not present. I also was not certain if it would be possible as I had a doctor’s appointment booked later in the afternoon on that Saturday and I was unsure if I could reschedule because it was a girly appointment and those often are difficult to rebook. With some juggling I was able to change my appointment to a slightly later date and with a tremendous amount of encouragement from Master, I made the plunge and agreed to spend some time with pet, just me and pet.
The decision to hang out with pet was not an easy one mostly because of the rules I had asked for with regards to pet and so I felt very much like a hypocrite. I did not feel it was fair that I could spend time with pet when I would not have wanted Master to have done so. My feelings regarding such thoughts has nothing to do with trusting Master, I do trust him, completely. My feelings stem from wanting to be included, from wanting to share experiences with Master rather than having them on our own. I believe it took three or four days of speaking with Master, of weighing pros and cons, of making lists and analyzing every thought before I decided to take a leap and once I felt confident with my decision, I found myself facing yet another hurdle: to spank or not to spank.
In true Master fashion, Master waited until the very last moment to tell me that I would have a very interesting question coming my way. Immediately I knew the question would be coming from pet and before Master said anything else, my stomach speak told me that the question would have to do with something physical. As I stood there, my body pressed to his, my mind spinning as I knew Master had to catch his flight in mere minutes, I began to plead, to beg Master to tell me what the question was. I tend not to like surprises, in fact I want to know everything, all the time. Master is very aware that I have little patience for being told “something” will happen all while not being told what exactly will take place. Fortunately for me, Master was in a playful mood and with a glimmer of cheekiness behind his blue eyes, he shared with me that pet had been craving a spanking and was going to ask if I would give her one sometime during that Saturday when we would be visiting. Although I was not surprised by the question for pet had mentioned to me a few times during the week that she was craving to be spanked, I was stunned that Master was encouraging me to do so. I believe I stuttered my first two or three words; however, after a few seconds I was able to compose myself long enough to share with Master that I simply could not fulfill pets request. I was finally comfortable with the idea of just hanging out but to actually spank her, to, in essence “play” with her while Master was across an ocean on an entirely different continent, well it just felt as though I would be cheating on Master.
And even though my mind was spinning, I could not help but hear that tiny yet obedient voice telling me to do it, to make Master proud. I believe Master could sense my internal conflict and so he wrapped his arms around me, squeezed me close and told me whatever I decided would be okay, that he would be proud of me no matter what choice I made. Master does not lie and so I believed his words; still I could not help but think that if I pushed myself through this sense of insecurity and uncertainty, Master would truly be proud and I might even be proud of myself. Once again though I felt like a hypocrite because I knew then, as I know now, that I would not have wanted Master to give pet a spanking without me present. I simply would not. Of course I shared my sentiments with Master, I even told him that should he give me permission to play with pet while he was away that I would still not wish for him to do the same, that if the tables were reversed I would not want that physical intimacy to be shared between just pet and Master.
Master does not share my need to be included. Yes, he likes to be included, yes he wants to know what I am doing and he is always in control of my actions but unlike me, Master does not need to be in center field watching first hand all that transpires between pet and myself. After I had expressed my views, Master simply nodded reassuring me that he understood my feelings and would always respect them and that he would not expect me to change my feelings; that he would not expect to play with pet without me being present. Hearing his words certainly reassured me; however, I still was not ready to commit to such an activity and it was not until Saturday afternoon, after a few text messages and one telephone call to Master did I finally decide that I would give pet her much craved spanking.
Before there were spankings though, pet and I did have time to converse and hang out together. I met pet close to 11am and after placing her laundry in the car, I gave her a big hug. Hugging pet hello has become a routine for both me and Master. Whenever we say hello or say goodnight, we make sure to give pet a hug. In the beginning my desire to hug pet came mostly from a place of believing she really needed them, that the physical touch was imperative to her well being. Although I still feel that the hugs are crucial for pet, I now hug pet because she has become a friend and hugging is a natural part of friendship to me. Once we had greeted one another, we both slipped onto our seats and headed to Waterloo to tend to an errand. The entire afternoon was very light hearted even comical at times. Once such memory which stands out above the others is when pet and I became lost inside one of the University buildings. I swear it was like a maze, we kept going up stairs, down ramps and always ended right back where we started. Finally after approximately fifteen minutes we managed to forge our way through the maze of hallways, out into the fresh air and to the street where I had parked.
The drive home passed quickly and somewhere between making our bagels and watching Toy Story 1 and 2, pet confided in me that she had not completed a task that Master had given her for the previous night. Seeing as I was not the person who assigned her said task and being the slave I am and knowing I desire correction immediately, I felt it was important to contact Master and let him know. Initially I sent a few text messages to Master; however, once Master explained that he wished for pet to receive a consequence of ten swats with the aluminum paddle, I went into panic mode. Prior to that Saturday I had never given pet a consequence without Master. Granted I have been the one to think of a consequence but I have not given it without Master present and the idea of spanking her bottom in an unpleasant, learning manner, startled me. I was also a little uncertain about giving the consequence because from all Master shared with me regarding his expectations and all pet had shared with me regarding what she did and did not do, in my opinion she had not disobeyed, on the contrary. She had in fact done as Master stated and therefore the consequence was unnecessary. Due to my conflict I asked pet if she believed she should receive ten swats with the evil paddle and she said yes and no. After much deliberation on my part I agreed to fulfill Masters’ consequence; however, I added an additional seven swats for assuming what Master expected. My hope was that the last seven swats would remind pet to ask clear questions, to learn clear expectations so that she would not be in that exact predicament again.
After making my decision to execute the consequence, I wanted it to happen immediately, to complete it quickly so that we could move forward with our evening. Taking Masters guidance, I secured pet by wrapping a strong velcro strap across her calves as well as cuffing her wrists behind her back. (The cuffed wrists were solely my idea, which surprised me that I would take such initiative but I am glad I did.) Once pet was in place I lowered my body, kneeling on her right side. I must have sat there for a minute, holding the cool paddle in my hand, speaking silently to myself, reminding me to not hit too hard, to use self discipline and to make Master proud. There was a moment, right before the first swat came down upon her flesh where I caught myself sucking in my breath, almost as though I was preparing myself for the sting. My feelings of trepidation did not come from whether I could complete the task, but rather from a place of fear that I would not be able to control myself, that I would start to spank pet and my swats would become harder and harder and harder to the point where they simply were not acceptable.
My fear was legitimate. After the first three swats I found myself exhilarated. I wanted more and that all too familiar sensation of Pandora was clawing ferociously up through my thoughts of reason and control. I forced myself to speak with pet, to maintain a conversation, to have pet tell me why she was receiving each swat and what she was learning from her consequence. The exchange of words helped me to regain control; however, there was one moment when I had spanked pet hard enough that her body flinched, truly wriggled and as her flesh prickled a warm shade of pink I found my body responding, an unfamiliar sense of arousal lingering deep within my cunt. I believe it was in that exact moment where I struggled the most, mentally pushing Pandora away, trying to stuff her back into her locked box all while trying to finish the remaining five swats. Suddenly I wished I had not given pet an addition three hits, all earned from moving too much, for I doubted my ability to remain calm, to remain focused on my task at hand.
I believe I over compensated with how hard I hit pet solely because I felt unsure of my own self control. Had Master been present, had I known he would control me if I were to get out of hand, I am certain that paddle would have cracked on her back side five if not ten times harder than it did. I wanted to hit her harder. I could feel the lust of such sadistic control envelope me and that terrified me. Instead of giving just a little more force, I pulled back even more, I used less force and I am pleased with myself for doing so. I had not been so soft that her flesh did not change in colour for her bottom was a shade darker; however, I knew that there would be other opportunities to paint her body in darker, richer hues of pink and red and I knew when that time came, Master would be by my side, encouraging, nay demanding me to do so.
The spanking did not last long and once pet had accepted all twenty swats, I undid her bindings and together we moved to the chesterfield. As the two of us nestled on the cushions, I found myself reaching for pet and pulling her close, letting her rest her head on my thigh. Pet is a highly demonstrative person, she feeds off of human contact and since the first time we met she has demonstrated a rather tactile approach and need. I think because I come from a home where touch is a constant I understand her desire and it is instinctual for me to reach out for someone I care about and touch them. It was not long before pet was asking for her comforting spanking and without hesitation I guided her to my lap. I had never experienced a person resting over my lap and although it did not feel natural, it did not feel unnatural, purely different.
This was not the first time I patted pets’ bottom. I have done so numerous times; however, this was different. This time it was just me, no Master and I think because I am definitely a submissive soul, a slave, no matter how much I top pet, my heart still craves to please and to obey. My pleasing personality was very much alive while I was lightly patting pets’ bottom. I wanted her to have a good experience, I wanted her to take pleasure from it, to feel safe and reassured and comforted and so with every spank of my palm on her skin I hoped I was making her smile. Although we started on the sofa, we did eventually move to the floor and I continued to lightly spank her, rubbing my palm over her pink ass and thighs. The physical exchange between pet and I was one of a gentle touch. There were times when I smacked her skin slightly harder than others but it was by no means with any true force, still something transpired inside of pet while I my hand made contact with her body for there was a moment when a few tears slipped down her cheeks, where she was experiencing something emotional. I was and still am in awe at how vulnerable she has allowed herself to be and when she whispered, ‘here come the emotions” I simply wrapped my arm around her, draped my leg over her bottom and quietly held her. It did not take long for pet to breathe deep; however, those brief minutes where her guard was down, were monumental and something I will not forget.
By the time pet had wiped her cheeks and together we sat up, the day had turned into evening and so I decided it would be a good time for pet to have a bath. Water is so very soothing and also warm and both pet and I seem to have cold bodies and I wanted pet to feel cocooned. Together we walked up stairs where I drew her a bath and washed her hair. In true cheeky pet fashion, pet asked to touch herself while in the tub; however, I did not give her consent. I was not certain how Master would feel about pet touching herself with me present and Master not and so I skipped over that possibility and instead tended to pet, drying her off, rubbing baby oil and lotion into her skin. While pet dressed in comfy lounge clothing and tended to her laundry I prepared a stir fry for us and once our dinners were served, together we sat before the television, excited to watch The Sound of Music.
In many ways, pet and I the exact opposites of the same coin; however, in many other ways we are very much alike and one such area we are are the same is our love for musicals and Captain Von Trapp (played by Christopher Plummer). Together we nibbled at our vegetables and swooned over a character who appears to have been the main source of girl crushes for many decades. I am not certain how it all transpired but somehow while watching the movie, pet found her way back across my lap and I was once again spanking her. There had been times earlier in the day where pet had shared that she was aroused, that she was wet; however, it was during that last spanking where pet began to really plead to touch herself. I had become more comfortable with our exchange the more time we spent and part of me really wanted to give her pleasure, to allow her to touch herself, still I was conflicted, unsure if Master would permit such behaviour and of course I did experience the guilt, the guilt of knowing this is that one area where Master and I differ, where we are not equal with regards to pet.
My relationship with Master has never been equal. He has rights I do not. He does not ask nor would I want him to. Our life is not the life lead by equal partnership; however, this one area is not the norm, this is that one area where I can do something but he can not. It took a few moments and a great deal of faith but I eventually permitted pet to touch her cunt with her fingers, only her fingers. She was extremely obedient and after an hour I knew she was aching to cum. The visit was not about torment or teasing, this visit was about closeness and comfort and with very little thought I retrieved the Hitachi wand and granted pet permission to use the sweet vibrations on her cunt and to have an orgasm. The bright smile behind her eyes spoke volumes and were only intensified when the sweet buzzing of the wand started to work its magic. As pet played with her cunt, I allowed my fingers to strum through her hair as well as down her sides and over her stomach. I was very careful not to touch her cunt or breasts as I really was not comfortable with that without Master. There had been a moment when I was giving her an over the knee spanking where she begged for me to touch her cunt but I would not. With that said, this does not mean I did not have any desire to do so. Perhaps not touch her cunt, but I certainly had desires to run my finger nails over her breasts and across her nipples, to hear her little moans as I pinched the extremely sensitive flesh. Still, I kept control and instead encouraged her with words, reminding her how proud both Master and I are of her and how lucky we are to be able to play with such a good pet. I was even so bold as to cover her mouth and pinch her nose to block out air, something Master has done to me, something Master has done to her. I was extremely careful and made certain I was not pushing hard and I counted in my head so that I did not keep air from her longer than 15 seconds. Still I knew my actions would create even more arousal and I wanted pet to feel pleasure, to feel good.
It did not take long before pet was asking to cum and I nodded quickly, giggling as she moaned and screamed as the orgasm ran through her body. And just like all the times before, pet was extremely grateful and showed such gratitude by wrapping her arms around me, hugging tightly all while panting, “thank you Miss, thank you Miss”. We hugged for a moment or two before I instructed pet to finish her laundry and put warm clothes on. We spent the last hour laughing while watching television and after looking at the weather forecast, I decided to take pet home late that Saturday night so that pet would have time to study the following day. The drive back to pets home was filled with conversation once again and just as I had greeted pet, when it was time to say goodnight, I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a tight squeeze, thanking her for a wonderful visit.
And it had been a great visit. The entire drive home I found myself smiling, both at having spent some fun time with pet but also for having stepped out of my box yet again and experiencing something new for the first time. I was so excited to share with Master and yet I was exceptionally sleepy and after sending a quick text to Master, I found myself crawling into bed, my eyes heavy, sleep consuming me almost immediately.
Sunday morning I woke with the same smile I had gone to bed with and I found myself replaying the previous nights events over and over in my head. I truly had taken a leap of faith with myself and I had learned a few things along the way. I am not sure exactly what transpired within me, but for some reason I felt sexually confident with myself, a confidence I had not yet experienced. I seemed aware of my sexuality, almost as though it was heightened and I suddenly was exceptionally horny. So horny in fact that I wanted to use the Hitachi wand, something I tend not to gravitate towards. For whatever reason, on that faithful morning I could not think of anything better and with a gusto I have only experienced when running, I plugged that wand in and placed the bulbous head over my cunt, switching the power to low. I was in no rush to climax, in fact, I simply just wanted to feel the pleasurable sensations, to feel the lustful ache, to be aroused knowing, in time, I would cum. And I did cum. Hard. Long. And it felt amazing, it felt like more.
I wanted more. I wanted to cum again and so after waiting about an hour, I placed the wand right back against my cunt only this time I turned it on high and the vibrations ricocheted throughout my body and within minutes I was screaming through my second orgasm. Still, as intense and gratifying as both those orgasms were, I still ached for more. This time I waited two hours, making sure to send text messages to Master, letting him know what his slave was doing, how horny she was, how much she wanted and missed Master. Throughout the entire weekend, I had sent messages to Master, updating him on absolutely everything that transpired, wanting him to be apart of all I was experiencing, wanting him to experience it all as well, even through distance.
Once my body had calmed down and my clit was no longer throbbing, I picked that wicked wand back up, pressing it just above my mound, allowing the power to vibrate all over my cunt. This orgasm took longer, much longer but instead of becoming frustrated as I have in the past, I simply stretched out, resting my head on the pillow, allowing my body to embrace the moment, to enjoy it for what it is and not what it was not doing. Without realising it, my thighs tightened, my cunt clenched and my entire body was spasming, bending almost in half from the intensity of such an orgasm. I was drained, exhausted and my cunt seemed almost angry at how much pleasure I had given it. I was leaking, gushing in fact and for the first time I allowed myself to enjoy the lubrication my body creates, to feel good about how my body responded to such pleasure.
The morning turned into evening far too quickly and as I stretched out on our bed, I found my fingers traveling down between my thighs, eager little digits strumming over my already moist slit, lightly tickling my still aroused clit. My thoughts turned to Master as I felt the first pre-climax waves wash over me; thoughts of Master using his slave, of taking his slave, of fucking his slave. My fourth orgasm for the day pushed me into a state of unconsciousness and as my screams filled my lungs, as the rush of my orgasm consumed me, my head fell to the pillow and sleep devoured me entirely.
Sometime during the middle of the night I woke, my fingers still buried between my slit and all I wanted, what I was desperate for, was Masters return, my deepest wish that he would end the three week sexual fast and allow me his cock, allow me to suck, lick, devour him and have him use me until he was spent.