There appears to be a trend throughout the on-line journals I peruse, to speak about the concept of being released. I have discovered through numerous entries that many submissive women (and men) feel they do not have the choice to actually end a D/s relationship and that only when a Master grants such permission can she be set free. Although I grasp the mental aspect of feeling as though one can not end a relationship, the fact of the matter is, unless said person is being held against her will, she absolutely can end a relationship. This concept of needing permission to walk away baffles me. As a consenting adult you always have the ability to say no, to move forward with or without your Master (Owner, trainer, Dominant, Top) and I can not help but wonder of the psychological state of those who think otherwise.
I understand reality in a D/s relationship requires a little suspension from time to time. According to the laws in Canada Master can not own me. Legally he is not permitted to own another human being. However, this law does not stop me from believing in my heart that he owns me, that I am his property and his slave and that he can do whatever he wishes with me. I am, after all, his. In the sanctuary of our home I have given him consent to control me, push me, guide me and dictate how I spend my days and I am happy to belong to him. I am committed to him and our relationship and I willingly follow his rules and abide by his commands.
Master and I are in a happy state. We may not always agree and we have had our share of debates and battles but I want to be with him and he with me. I have no intentions of going anywhere and I certainly hope he feels the same. What if though, one day in the future I no longer wished to be owned by him? Would I have to ask permission for him to release me? Would it be necessary for him to tell me I am released in order for me to end the relationship? Absolutely not. I have the right, as a human being, to terminate any relationship I am in. I have the right to walk away if I so desire. I do not require permission to make a fresh start and anyone who is living in a consensual relationship has that exact same right. Now there are people who want to hear those words, “you are released” but wanting to hear them and needing to hear them before a person can move on are two entirely different things.
Yes. I understand the concept of a D/s relationship. I get the fact that a person feels owned, belongs to another, gives up rights to make choices and decisions. I am aware of all of that and have consented to such matters myself. No matter how much control a person gives to another though, under the law you have the right to walk away. Now if a person holds you against your will, does not grant you permission to leave due to bodily force well that is entirely different and most certainly a criminal offence. But if a Master simply says “no I do not release you” guess what? You can still leave. Yes. Yes you can. Trust me. Legally you are allowed to pack your clothing and walk away and if he stops you, if he makes it impossible for you to move your body well folks that is unlawful confinement or (depending on severity) potentially a kidnapping.
I am aware of the psychological factors when involved in a D/s exchange. Therefore I know of the desire to have permission, to request for it and I am not dismissing this act. As a slave, as a submissive we are conditioned to wait for approval, to be granted the ability to do something thus the perceived need for release. No matter how intense your desires for permission are though you can still end a dominant/submissive relationship, all you have to do is walk away. I do not say this lightly mind you. Making that decision would most likely be a rather difficult one and I respect the heartache, the uncertainty, the confusion and pain it would bring but do not tell me you are not allowed to no longer be owned because you are. According to the law, you can. And as much as people like to believe otherwise, no relationship is above the law. Not mine. Not yours. No one’s. We can surrender our freedoms to those we choose but at the end of the day that right still resides in all of us.
The world of BDSM, of a total power exchange receives negative press daily, why do people insist on creating even more drama? We enter this lifestyle willingly, consensually and you can leave in the same manner. Of course while in the relationship we exchange our freedoms for control and power. We consent to another to dictate our activities and we do so (hopefully) with love and trust. If the love and trust no longer exist, if the relationship no longer is what it once was why is it that you can not leave? If you can give consent you can take it away. Plain and simple. Please do not use the umbrella of BDSM as an excuse for staying in a relationship that is no longer healthy or beneficial. A dominant only has as much control as a submissive gives him. If you are no longer giving control, if it is taken, it is no longer consensual and quite possibly abusive. Being a submissive, being a slave does not equate to longer having rights.
You always have rights.