Nearly seven years: That is the length of time Master and I have been together as a couple and in all those years never did I think to flirt with another man up until approximately three months ago. In fact, not only did I not engage in a flirtatious manner a part of me actually believed it was wrong to do so; a form of cheating really. I held that viewpoint so strongly that I would not even comment on profiles from Fetlife that were of men and the rare gentleman I did converse with I was certain to share with Master all our exchanges keeping the topics neutral and impersonal. There were one or two men that I befriended and still speak with to this day; again though, all with Master’s consent and knowledge of all that is discussed and I am clear not to overstep any invisible boundaries. In a nutshell I kept a distinct distance between myself and the male gender and in doing so I believe I lost a little of myself.
I have, since I was a little girl, had male companions. My dearest and closest of friends were boys who eventually turned into men and although the relationships were never of a sexual nature, there was a flirty aspect to our exchanges, a sexual awareness and that harmless banter fuelled me; gave me a different kind of pleasure than that of a coupled relationship would.
Flirting is fun but for me, the idea of such behaviour while in a relationship just seemed wrong. Perhaps it also stemmed from the fact that I am in a D/s relationship, one of a power exchange and to be sexual on any level with another man, a man who was not Master seemed grossly disrespectful. Funnily enough though Master has always flirted with other women and I do not have any issues with that. Oh I can feel the pang of discomfort from time to time when I felt as though his affections were directed elsewhere too often; however, overall I am comfortable with his interactions with other women. In fact I think it is healthy and can build self esteem and confidence which is extremely sexy in a partner and something I would not wish to take away from Master or anyone else for that matter.
I know that since I started to re-enter the world of playful verbal exchanges I actually feel more alive. I have also come to learn that it is not fair to expect one person to be my everything because that is simply impossible. Master gives me a great deal, he brings much to my life but he can not be everything and he should not have to nor should I be his. My exchanges with other men have nothing to do with the love I have for Master, they do not diminish it in any way and it has taken 7 long years for me to understand I can be a sexual person, a flirty person with men and still love Master, be loyal to him. In fact I feel more affectionate with Master now that I do partake in flirting. I feel more confident, more sexually aware of myself and desires and I am genuinely happy and that makes me a better partner, a better lover, a better slave.
I am very much in love with Master. He fills me and every time he reaches out to hold me, touch me, pull me closer I beam. I can not imagine anyone else filling my heart the way he does and I am grateful for the love we share. He gives me something no one else can and I treasure us and the man he is. He can not fulfill everything inside me though and I should never have expected him to; that is far too big of an expectation and entirely unfair. I am certain my flirting will come and go just like everything else but in the meantime, I shall embrace this rekindled pleasure, growing from every experience, happy to have found that part of me once again.
And I will also continue to value and cherish the love I have for Master and he has for me and how he expresses his love, such as in moments like yesterday when he returned home from work having picked up a chocolate covered egg wrapped in pink Cinderella tinfoil. Cinderella is by far my most favourite of all fairy tales and after all these years he still remembers that. Those little moments, they fill me in ways no flirting ever could. They are deeper, more meaningful and leave a lasting impression in my heart and soul and that, that builds a life long love.