Nearly seven years: That is the length of time Master and I have been together as a couple and in all those years never did I think to flirt with another man up until approximately three months ago. In fact, not only did I not engage in a flirtatious manner a part of me actually believed it was wrong to do so; a form of cheating really. I held that viewpoint so strongly that I would not even comment on profiles from Fetlife that were of men and the rare gentleman I did converse with I was certain to share with Master all our exchanges keeping the topics neutral and impersonal. There were one or two men that I befriended and still speak with to this day; again though, all with Master’s consent and knowledge of all that is discussed and I am clear not to overstep any invisible boundaries. In a nutshell I kept a distinct distance between myself and the male gender and in doing so I believe I lost a little of myself.
I have, since I was a little girl, had male companions. My dearest and closest of friends were boys who eventually turned into men and although the relationships were never of a sexual nature, there was a flirty aspect to our exchanges, a sexual awareness and that harmless banter fuelled me; gave me a different kind of pleasure than that of a coupled relationship would.
Flirting is fun but for me, the idea of such behaviour while in a relationship just seemed wrong. Perhaps it also stemmed from the fact that I am in a D/s relationship, one of a power exchange and to be sexual on any level with another man, a man who was not Master seemed grossly disrespectful. Funnily enough though Master has always flirted with other women and I do not have any issues with that. Oh I can feel the pang of discomfort from time to time when I felt as though his affections were directed elsewhere too often; however, overall I am comfortable with his interactions with other women. In fact I think it is healthy and can build self esteem and confidence which is extremely sexy in a partner and something I would not wish to take away from Master or anyone else for that matter.
I know that since I started to re-enter the world of playful verbal exchanges I actually feel more alive. I have also come to learn that it is not fair to expect one person to be my everything because that is simply impossible. Master gives me a great deal, he brings much to my life but he can not be everything and he should not have to nor should I be his. My exchanges with other men have nothing to do with the love I have for Master, they do not diminish it in any way and it has taken 7 long years for me to understand I can be a sexual person, a flirty person with men and still love Master, be loyal to him. In fact I feel more affectionate with Master now that I do partake in flirting. I feel more confident, more sexually aware of myself and desires and I am genuinely happy and that makes me a better partner, a better lover, a better slave.
I am very much in love with Master. He fills me and every time he reaches out to hold me, touch me, pull me closer I beam. I can not imagine anyone else filling my heart the way he does and I am grateful for the love we share. He gives me something no one else can and I treasure us and the man he is. He can not fulfill everything inside me though and I should never have expected him to; that is far too big of an expectation and entirely unfair. I am certain my flirting will come and go just like everything else but in the meantime, I shall embrace this rekindled pleasure, growing from every experience, happy to have found that part of me once again.
And I will also continue to value and cherish the love I have for Master and he has for me and how he expresses his love, such as in moments like yesterday when he returned home from work having picked up a chocolate covered egg wrapped in pink Cinderella tinfoil. Cinderella is by far my most favourite of all fairy tales and after all these years he still remembers that. Those little moments, they fill me in ways no flirting ever could. They are deeper, more meaningful and leave a lasting impression in my heart and soul and that, that builds a life long love.
Continual growing.
Attention from others.,
Sorry, it’s been ages since I came over to read your blogs. And immediately I read one that applies to me.
I’ve always had problems about flirting in vanilla settings. I used to hate myself for doing it because, with hindsight, it seems a betrayal of Le Maitre. Yet it was fun and he didn’t mind as long as it doesn’t go beyond the stage of harmless banter (it never did.). So I used to find myself doing it at parties and then going home with a guilty conscience, so that it got to the stage where I went to Le Maitre and asked if we could discuss it.
His advice was rather like Vesta’s wise words – 90% of the time it is harmless but there will always will be the guy who takes flirting seriously, who thinks I am hitting on him, and see my approach as giving him carte blanc to take things a LOT further than mere flirting.
Now I may occasionally mildly flirt with with guys WE know well, but never with people I don’t know or only know slightly. Naturally this only applies at vanilla occasions – scening and I am very much jane the sub and then the idea of flirting is anathema to me.
Hey, great to read your blogs again. I hope your and your Master have a Wonderful Christmas and a Prosperous New Year.
BIG hugs, jane
Jane
How lovely to see you again and my sincerest apologies for such a tardy reply. I hope you rang in the new year with smiles and passion and that those continue throughout this new and exciting year. I have taken a peek into your virtual world but have not yet sat down to catch up on all that is happening in your world so I will do that soon. Until then, be well and enjoy!
~cockdoll
As always, wonderful to hear from you and I hope you have a truly spectacular 2013.
Yes, we had a great new year D/s party (I posted a somewhat boozy picture of myself taken by Le Maitre) and I’ll blog about it soon, I hope. For now there just my Christmas news at
http://janethesub.wordpress.com
Take care and I hope you and your beloved Master have a Wonderful New Year.
Huggies,
jane
You may flirt with me now!!!
Seriously interesting musings this time. I love the way you think, the way you analyse, the way you accept yourself and work to be better for yourself. just remember, perfection is hard to top!!!
Hugs and love from the Antipodes
Bob and Noni
My two sweet friends,
And for the record I thought I had always flirted with you Bob. *wink wink* I think self reflection is important both for individual growth as well as growth in a couple. It is not an easy revelation mind you but I am embracing it to the best of my abilities and I am sure there will be moments of slipping; however, life is not about being perfect, of never falling. On the contrary, the more mistakes I make (as long as I do not repeat them too often) the better a person I shall be.
I do so appreciate when you stop by.
Big hugs,
~cockdoll
Flirting has been tricky for many of us living this lifestyle. On the one hand, we are deeply attached to our partners and feel a strong sense of loyalty and devotion. On the other hand, we all reach out to like minded people in various capacities and as good and earnest people we constantly monitor those interactions in case the interactions go over some invisible line. Like you, I’ve been inclined, all my life actually, to attempt to keep myself to myself and to see the opposite sex as potentially a threat. I’m firmly of the opinion that we can’t expect one person to be everything to us, as much as that seems some sort of ideal in our minds. At the same time, we need to remember who we belong to. It’s the sort of sentiment of lines in songs like, “Save the last dance for me.” The danger is that those with whom we may harmlessly flirt may see it as more than it is and that’s the question I constantly have in my mind. Ultimately, that’s an instinct thing and I’m sure you know in your own mind if something is not in balance. That you feel more alive sounds ultra positive to me. If that should change, you’ll be the first to know and can make the necessary adjustments.
I hope you are enjoying the Festive Season, by the way. It’s mighty hot here but I will brave the conditions shortly to stock up on yet more food. xx
Vesta
The moment I saw I had a comment I simply knew it was from you. I have missed our exchanges and do hope all is well in your world. I do peek over to your journal and read regularly, always lovely to hear about what is happening in your life. Perhaps once the holiday season slows down we can catch up. Until then embrace that heat, I do recall how hot it can be and know I am sending you and your family warm wishes.
As for flirting, I did not realise just how much I missed it and not even the sexual titillation aspect but more the mere connection with other people. I am hesitant of course as I do not wish to mislead anyone and I guard my relationship with Master not wanting to disrespect him or our union. Still it has felt amazing to banter with others, to share knowing it is okay to do so, that I am not harming anyone in the process. I think the most interesting part of this new revelation of mine is that Master never once told me I had to stop having male friends or had to stop my flirting, I made that decision all on my own and part of it was when we first were together I sincerely did not look at other men, I just was not interested. I am still not interested in them on an intimate relationship level but a friendship, absolutely. I let a part of myself disappear and I am not quite sure why I did but I am happy to have that back.
Thank you for your words, I know you know how much they mean to me.
xx
~cockdoll