Not any one thing com­pletes me.  I am after all, the sum of all my parts and it was dur­ing a con­ver­sa­tion with Master that left me pon­der­ing about all those parts, all the dif­fer­ent aspects of my per­son­al­ity and where exactly sub­mis­sion fits.  The reason for such mus­ings came from the acknow­ledg­ment that even in times when I am not sub­mit­ting to another per­sons whims, I still have sub­missive desires; I still believe myself to be submissive.

There are moments in my life where I express myself with dom­in­ance, when I am a leader, a per­son in con­trol and in charge not only of myself but of other people, of cir­cum­stances, of situ­ations.  Although I am the one giv­ing instruc­tions it does not neg­ate my sub­missive­ness, it simply demon­strates my mul­ti­fa­ceted per­son­al­ity.  When I exper­i­ence con­flict, when I am being chal­lenged either men­tally or phys­ic­ally, I most often tackle said obstacle with a sense of inde­pend­ence; one that does not involve rely­ing on another, of listen­ing to another, of look­ing for pro­tec­tion from another.

With regards to my fam­ily and friends, with regards to my edu­ca­tion and my career, I have com­mit­ted myself to being in con­trol, of tak­ing the lead and of being the decision maker, the plan­ner and the exe­cu­tioner.  I have been the per­son my loved ones have turned to for sup­port, guid­ance and com­fort and that tran­scends into my work­place, often find­ing myself in a room full of indi­vidu­als wait­ing to be lead and con­trary to what some people might believe, I take full enjoy­ment of hav­ing that power, of that exchange and I would not wish it to be any other way.

I do not believe any one per­son must be one extreme or another.  In fact, it is my belief that we are com­posed of numer­ous per­son­al­ity traits and that it is the bal­ance of each of them that allows us to flour­ish, allows us to grow, to evolve, to exper­i­ence the world in all its entirety.  My abil­ity to take com­mand, to bring forth new ideas and to hold my ground when I feel as though my mor­als, my eth­ics, my ideas are being infringed upon are the very reas­ons why I embrace my dom­in­ance. At the same time, it is my abil­ity to listen, to be open to a dif­fer­ent per­spect­ive, to com­prom­ise that allows me to take com­fort and appre­ci­ate my sub­mis­sion.

My visual of dom­in­ance and sub­mis­sion is that of a coin, two dif­fer­ent sides shar­ing the same value, part of one another.  When I sub­mit, when I sur­render, when I obey, when I give up rights to speak freely, to act upon my own will, I have not removed my dom­in­ant char­ac­ter­ist­ics, merely I have quieted them, allowed them to rest because I no longer require them to speak for me, to act on my behalf, to lead me.

It is import­ant to make clear that I do not trans­ition from being dom­in­ant to sub­missive or vice versa, I am both, sim­ul­tan­eously. I do not act dom­in­ant when I am in con­trol, I am dom­in­ant and I do not act sub­missive when I sub­mit: I am sub­missive.  My sub­missive­ness does not dis­ap­pear, it does not van­ish when I am the one in con­trol, when I am the one respons­ible for someone or some­thing it merely takes a back burner to my dom­in­ant trait, to the neces­sary actions required of me to ensure the desired out­come is attained.  In the same token, for every exchange, for every moment, for every action shared between me and Master, when I am obey­ing his every desire, I still pos­sess dom­in­ance, it does not fade away, it does not evap­or­ate, it simply silences itself because it is not needed, it is not neces­sary for my hap­pi­ness, for our hap­pi­ness. In fact, I choose to keep it at a dis­tance because I am hap­pier without it; I am more ful­filled when it does not make an appearance.

From my point of view, dom­in­ant and sub­missive char­ac­ter­ist­ics are as innate as our genetic code and some people are more dom­in­ant than oth­ers and some are more sub­missive.  I believe when it comes to dom­in­ance and sub­mis­sion we all con­tain a little of both, it is merely indi­vidual as to who wants more  con­trol and who wants less; of who desires being in charge or who desires being lead.  Like all aspects to life, some­times our cir­cum­stances, our exper­i­ences “force” an unnat­ural beha­viour caus­ing someone to be more dom­in­ant than he or she would desire or caus­ing someone to be more sub­missive than he or she wishes; how­ever, I believe instinctu­ally, we are more of one than the other and part of this won­der­ful jour­ney is find­ing the bal­ance between the two, of find­ing what one trait feels most natural.

I like con­trol. I am in many ways a little bit of a con­trol mon­ger. Still,  what wraps me in warmth, what soothes me when my brow is fur­rowed and my thoughts are jumbled is the know­ledge that at the end of each day I have the priv­ilege of kneel­ing before the one I love and sur­ren­der­ing to him, obey­ing him, know­ing my sub­mis­sion is safe, nur­tured, pro­tec­ted and desired, allow­ing me to tuck all those exhaust­ive take charge beha­viours into the fur­thest recesses of my mind.

I am innately sub­missive; I choose when to allow my dom­in­ance to speak. I am not one without the other.

~His

(Photograph cour­tesy of: anvari.org)

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