Sometimes it is so f*!@%~g hard not to have any control!
Sometimes it is so challenging, so difficult, so unbelievably arduous to not have any control and yet I would not want it any other way. Not only would I not want it any other way, I would gravely dislike it, loathe it actually if I were to be in control, if I were to be in a relationship where Master and I were equals. I take great comfort knowing Master is the one who controls everything about me, everything in the home, all choices that are made. Still, it does not mean it is easy to surrender, even after four years. Sometimes it is very taxing, as I am certain it is for Master when he needs to remind me of my place. And even though I do not always understand his wishes or even understand the way he thinks or how he decides, I genuinely would not exchange my life with Master for any other.
Sometimes I wish I could just sit back and enjoy the ride.
(photograph courtesy of: dypadvisors.com/blog/)
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Thursday,January 7,2010 at 12:29 am
Saturday,January 16,2010 at 9:48 pmisis
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i never feel an understanding of anything Master has to say or has me do. i always feel more like a stranger than participant. In time i hope to close the gap a bit, but have little hope of U/us every truly understadning each otehr, despite how much W/we communicate.
Sunday,January 17,2010 at 11:43 amHis Only
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isis,
Thank you for sharing such personal feelings. I am curious though as to why you feel as though you have such a large gap when it comes to understanding your master? I know there are numerous times when I simply do not understand Master; however, I continually ask questions to help learn and also to help me grow. Sometimes I end up not really understanding Master’s motives; however, more times than not I eventually see the bigger picture.
I do wish you and your Master all the very best and I encourage you to continue to ask questions, to move into a participant rather than a spectator.
~His