I have been curious about sex ever since I was a little girl.  My quest for sexual knowledge has been a never ending journey and I am thankful for my curiousity and lust for information.  Although I have read numerous books, varying from novels to medical journals, to the Kamasutra to The Art of Fellatio, to pretty much any piece of paper or internet article that I could possible digest, what I have been lacking is experience.

Experience and confidence.

And those two realisations came upon me like a bag of weights on Thursday.  Since Monday, Master has permitted his slave to touch his body, to lick and suck his cock and to be fucked by Master.  Master has used everyone of his slaves' holes and it has been amazing each and everyday.  Last night I believe is the only time in the history of our relationship where Master fucked only my cunt. Yes, he slammed his cock down my throat cunt but he did not fuck it, he merely had me clean my cunt juices off of it and he did not fuck my ass cunt which surprised me but did not disappoint me.  I truly wanted all attention on my cunt simply because it was such a new and freeing feeling to have Master fuck me all while only experiencing pleasure.

And I did not want that feeling to go away and a part of me worried that it would.  I was genuinely concerned that at any given time, Master would slide his cock into my cunt and suddenly it would hurt and those wonderful sensations I had experienced would disappear.  Which is why on Thursday I desperately wanted Master to fuck me. I had been horny all day, sending Master little messages, letting him know that I was wet, that I wanted to cum and when Master returned home from work I damn near attacked him.  Master did grant me permission to worship his cock for a few moments with my mouth, greeting him with my tongue and lips; however, within minutes of my pleasure fest Master commanded me to stop sucking him and to use only my hands.  I am certain the expression upon my face must have made Master laugh for I was stunned at what he was demanding.  Master has told me numerous times that he does not wish me to use my hands, that I am to use the mouth cunt he has taken great lengths to train.  Like all things in life, suddenly this was something that had changed and on that very day Master had decided I would learn to use my fingers, my palms, my spit to arouse him, to get his cock hard so that I could mount Master, so that I could slide my cunt down upon his shaft.

Variety is the spice of life, completely understood.  However, when it comes to sexual stimulation, sexual pleasure I am limited as to what I am confident in and what seems foreign and playing with Masters' cock with only my hands was completely beyond my scope.  I felt the all too familiar sensation of panic creeping into my thoughts.  As I sat cross legged between his thighs, my fingers trembling as they walked up and down Masters' shaft, I found my mind went from intense arousal and sexual desperation to hesitation and uncertainty.  It was almost as though my hands were not a part of me, it was as though spit had never trickled from my lips onto mine or his flesh.  I knew the moment my fingers curled around his girth that I would need to get him wet and my first thought was to spit on his cock, which I did, twice.  This was not pleasing to Master and so I spit into the palm of my right hand only now I had too much lubrication and this was not a pleasurable sensation for Master.

I had barely even tried to please Master and yet I was frustrated almost immediately.  This is not an uncommon behaviour pattern for me.  Failing, as I often look at it, simply is not an option and in moments where I am not automatically pleasing to Master I become angry with myself, angry and defeated.  Thursday night was no exception.  Once I heard Masters' voice, once his sentiment of there being too much saliva,  I gave up.  In true little girl fashion, I flopped onto my stomach, huffed and puffed, only to rise and grab a towel to clean Master.  I had not completely surrendered to my incompetence, I had planned on trying once again after I had wiped the excessive moisture from Masters' cock; however, as I brought the towel back to Master he took it from my hands, wiping himself.  At this point I really had no idea what Master wanted. I was very aware as to what I wanted, I wanted Master to fuck me.  I was still aching. My cunt wanted to be stuffed, not with a toy, not with fingers, with Masters cock. And I knew that Master wanted me to get him hard by using my hands and that seemed insurmountable.  I am not exactly sure why I did not beg Master to try again, in my heart I know it is what a good slave would have done. Instead I collected myself, defusing my temper tantrum by taking a few deep breaths, then moved my body closer to Master.  Master did not speak about my actions, instead he rested his head upon my thigh and allowed me to stroke his neck, his back and his shoulder.  I did not feel any sense of anger from Master, nor did I feel any disappointment from him, no those feelings came all from me.  I did not like how I behaved, I did not like that I gave up and I certainly did not like the feeling of not knowing what to do, how to sexually please Master with my hands.

As we rested, my fingers never leaving Masters' body, I started to assess my actions and I came to the realisation that I really am still new when it comes to sex and being sexually expressive.  I have read enough and I have watched more than my share of "how to" videos so the knowledge is with me, the acting upon such information is not.  Cock sucking was the one thing I could do that caused no pain and so I worked diligently trying to be as perfect as possible. I still need to learn how to really deep throat, how to keep the cock down my throat and still breathe easily; however, overall I would say I am pretty darn good at it, not to mention I absolutely love doing it. Yes, love.  There is something erotically charging about sucking cock.

What I am not good at is fucking, or using hands, or straddling or a plethora of other sexual positions, techniques and I believe my lack of ability stems from sex being painful, from not actually wanting to participate in such activities because it hurt.  (Hand jobs are an exception to that reasoning, I would say a lack of experience is all that keeps me from doing that better.) Well, now that I am aware of the why behind my lack of sexual ability I am confident that I can change all that by starting to experiment, by starting to explore both with Master as well as myself and I am grateful that I have a Master who is more than willing to experiment with me.  I am also aware that there are going to be moments that I will not bring Master to sexual gratification, that is simply a reality; however, that will not stop me from trying something new, something different and hopefully in time I will have a rather extensive sexual répertoire; one that just might surprise Master.

That Thursday was the the little bump in our week long journey; however, there were numerous sexual and erotic moments throughout the week and one such moment took place on Tuesday while I was nestled between Masters' thighs, my body happily stretched all while my head bobbed up and down on Masters' cock.  As I mentioned only moments ago, sucking cock is one of those activities that just fill me up with lust. Simply put it is the highlight to any day and I would be more than happy to gobble Masters' thick shaft each and every day.  While I stroked his flesh with my lips and tongue, I noticed a sly grin creep across Masters' lips and so I asked him what was so funny.  As he was looking at his iphone I was certain he was looking at some explicit bondage photo's however, the twinkle behind his gaze told me he was enjoying something even more naughty.  It took but a moment to realise that Master was video taping me while I lapped at his balls and although I was embarrassed, I felt something new, something overwhelmingly arousing.  The fact that Master was taping me while I worshiped him caused my cunt to leak and suddenly I did not want Master to stop, in fact I wanted him to continue taping me and although I did not confess it right then, a part of me thought about what it would be like to post such a video, to know others could be watching it.  My streak of wildness came with some hesitation though and once I had permission from Master to get up, I ran up the stairs, retrieved the black mesh hood and quickly pulled it over my head.  Having my face covered meant that if Master did decide to post the video my identity would be safe.

Something happened to me when the hood covered my eyes, I no longer felt like a girl, I felt like a toy, like a doll and all I wanted was to be used, was to be Masters' fuck toy and have him slam his cock into my mouth, to have him choke me and violate me and thankfully for me, he did just that and he caught it all on tape.  The entire experience was new and exciting and the moment he turned the phone off I could not help but think of when he might tape his slave again.

After everything Master and I shared this week I would say that I have grown ten fold.  I know that it will take time for me to learn everything I want; however, I am more confident that I will recover quickly should I not bring Master to orgasm, should I not be as pleasing to Master as I possibly can and that is a huge step for me.

I am excited about what the rest of this month will bring and all that will happen in the new year.

~His

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