Two hours and forty-seven minutes ago Master drove the young woman back to her home.  The weekend was beyond emotional and extremely overwhelming. All I wish to expose is that Master and I have agreed to continue training the young woman.  Where that will lead us I truly have no idea.  I am prepared to train but still not close to owning.  A great deal was shared, I was extremely vulnerable throughout the weekend and feel raw as I type this.  What I find most interesting and perhaps what is leaving me with a very sad feeling as I sit awake at two minutes past midnight is that although I finally felt a connection with the young woman, something I have been wanting to feel since we first met her, sometime this afternoon I felt oddly disconnected with Master.  At one point during the evening I was watching Master engage with the young woman and I felt completely and utterly not involved and it was not because I was not touching the young woman but because the intimacy between the two of them was entirely between them.  Even if I had been sitting on the floor with the two of them, even if I had been stroking the back of Masters head, even if I had been caressing the young woman's flesh I still believe I would not have been in the same "space" as the two of them.  It is a surreal sensation to witness the man I am in love with share an intimate exchange with another woman.  Previously when the young woman has come for a visit I have not felt such an intimate exchange and I guess I just was not expecting it.  Foolish.  But still where my head was, is.   I do not consider the exchanges in which the young woman and I share to be intimate.  They are sexual and they are fun and playful and they have even been  unpleasant and frustrating but for me, from my perspective they are not emotionally intimate.  I enjoy the young woman and I care about her feelings and her well being, but when I touch her, when I speak with her, when I have shared cuddle time after she has experienced some intense physical stimulation it is done with a purpose, to ensure the young woman feels safe and comfortable, it is not done with emotional intimacy and that is exactly what I felt when I watched Master engage with the young woman for the duration of the evening.  I am really not sure what to do with these feelings, where to catalogue them, I really, I just, I don't know. What I do know is that I am in love with him. That I love him so very, very much.  That what I saw hurt me much deeper than I ever imagined.  And I also know I do not wish to write about the weekend anymore than I just have.  Sometimes I just do not want everything exposed, to feel naked on my virtual canvas.

~His

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