One would think that after all the time and education I have placed on learning about people, personality attributes and behavioural traits that I would not be surprised when I come across a situation where everyone seems to have a different perspective on the events taking place.  I have since come to realise that as Master and myself move forward with the training of the young woman that each of us appears to have different thoughts, different ideas of what will come from our relationship. I am very aware, as I believe most people are that my past experiences play a significant role in how I approach the addition to mine and Masters relationship.

Before I met Master I had engaged in relationships where I was a toy, a pet for a couple and although I have no desire to experience that again, I do not regret my experiences, on the contrary, I am happy for them.  I believe I learned a great deal about patience, about communication, about honesty and about how strong yet fragile a relationship can be.

I was twenty-one when I first became a pet to a couple and I remained their pet for three years.  I was obedient, dedicated and exceptionally loyal.  My servitude varied between the husband and wife; for the wife I helped with chores, tasks, general care as well as being her friend; however, with the husband I was also a sexual toy, a plaything for him to tease and enjoy.  Although my expectations differed between the two, I was owned by both of them and respected their place in my life and mine in theirs.

The transition from friends, to friends who play a little to being owned was a transaction I took very seriously and before I consented to their control I took the time to speak with them privately, to ask each of them how they felt about me joining their relationship.  The husband had no reservations. He was happy and willing and could not have been more delighted that I was even considering his offer.  The wife, although pleasant was a little hesitant and wished to ask me numerous questions regarding what I wanted from the relationship, where I thought it was going to lead and what exactly my feelings were towards both herself as well as her husband.  Although I was nervous sitting before her I was glad that she asked such questions because just as it was important for her to know how I was feeling and what my intent was, I wanted to know how she was feeling and what she hoped to gain from the experience.

I could not tell her with absolute exactly what I wanted for I truly did not know.  How could I? What I could share with her though was that I was not looking to interfere with her relationship with her husband. I was not wishing to replace her in any way and I would not even consider such a position if I felt that she was uncomfortable with me in her life.  I also stated that I had no intention of being the focus of her husbands' attention, that I would always be separate from the intimacy they shared and that although I did not consider myself second, I most certainly thought of her as first: first in his heart, in his life.  I reassured her that I was not looking for a life long relationship with them because eventually I would want a partner just for myself, a Master just for me, someone whom I could call mine and someone who would own me entirely.

Everything I spoke that day was truthful.  I did not hold back on my expectations and neither did she.  Our conversation consisted of numerous topics and in the end, when all three of us were back in the same room it was agreed that all physical play would come from the husband; however, the wife was always present when any physical acts took place.  Looking back, if memory serves me correct, there was only one time when she touched me intimately and that was when I was kneeling, face on the floor, the husbands' feet on my backside.  She had been sitting across the room but for whatever reason she rose, came close to me and allowed her fingers to run down my spine, past his feet, all the way to my toes.  She must have done that four or five times, cooing the entire time about how pretty of a toy  I was and how good I was behaving.  In three years that was the closest she ever came to being physically intimate with me.  This does not mean we did not hug, for we did all the time and even cuddled on the sofa while watching movies but that was always expressed in friendship.

I am fortunate to say that when that part of our threesome exchange ended, it did so because I had met someone, because I had found someone who would be just mine.  And although I was extremely happy to have fallen in love, to have met a man who I felt was someone I could grow and experience with, when we said our goodbyes, it was one of the saddest days of my life and one I really had not been expecting.  When I initially embarked on my relationship with the husband and wife I truly believed that when I found someone for myself that although the ownership part of our relationship would end that pretty much everything else would stay the same.  The reality is though, it was very difficult to keep the other aspects of our relationship the same because of all we had shared.  Initially when we separated I found I missed the husband and wife, more so than I ever thought I would.  I also learned, relatively quickly that although the ownership had officially ended, there was a part of me that still felt that level of connection with them and those feelings made it difficult to open myself to the idea of being owned by the man I was in love with.  The three of us tried to remain friends, we worked diligently at communicating, sharing feelings but after two months of tears and confusion, together we decided it was best that we take a break from each other.  We were not saying good bye to the friendship but we needed to distance ourselves for both my sake and the sake of their relationship.

When you spend three years serving a couple, devoting so much of your time to them and they to you it is difficult to simply flip the emotional switch and go from one extreme to the other. Our emotions perhaps are simple but how we process them, move through them and past them is most often complex.  And I believe it is because of our complexity that I do approach all relationships with a level of seriousness, especially those relationships when a third party is involved.

I was extremely fortunate that my experiences when being a pet to a couple ended positively but they did because all people involved approached the union in a very honest manner.  We all realised that nothing is 100% for certain and that anything could happen and together we weighed those risks and in those moments when the relationship between the husband and wife was off kilter I took a step back, allowing them to work through the conflict, allowing some space to flow so that the relationship could heal.  Years later when I was visiting the husband and the wife, shortly after they had celebrated their 29 wedding anniversary we spent some time reminiscing about those three years.  It was during that late afternoon conversation that the wife took my hand, gave it a soft squeeze and shared with me how fearful she had been when she first met me. She disclosed during those few special hours that initially she was uneasy because I was so much younger and because he might just leave her one day for me.   I can remember the softness of her smile as she spoke and yet when she expressed those feelings I felt such an ache for her.  Before I could say anything though she continued, re-assuring me that once she got to know me she never feared that, not once, because she felt for certain that I truly understood my place in their relationship and her feelings were always confirmed whenever I stepped back, offering time just between them. After she spoke we sat together, side by side, our eyes looking at her grandchildren playing in the front yard and I could not help but feel a sense of wonder for I only ever witnessed confidence from her, amazing what we learn with time.  We spent another two or three hours visiting but like all good things, my flight was fast approaching and I needed to return home to my life, to my future.

That visit was many, many years ago but I have kept that moment close to my heart, tucked deep into one of those special corners of my memory and I know that a part of me has taken such care with it because I knew then it would most likely be my last.  Not because I do not care for them or because I do not want them in my life but rather because my life changed, went in a different direction, separate from them.  Our connection has not ceased, we speak on the phone once maybe twice a year and Christmas greetings are always shared but the intensity, the closeness that we once had has changed and although it was difficult and yes sad in the beginning I would not want it any other way because that change has brought about so many other gifts and opportunities, ones that I treasure, ones that I am embracing every day.

If someone had asked me when I was twenty-four if my experience as a pet would influence me when I was older I would most likely have said no.  Not because I believed I was beyond such experiences but rather because I simply would not have forseen what was to come.  Being in the position I am now though, I am extremely grateful for having had those experiences (I was owned by one other couple, briefly when I was twenty-five) and I believe it is because of those experiences that I am able to view the exchanges between Master, myself and the young woman in a very different light than both Master and the young woman.  This does not mean that I know what will happen or have all the answers but I have walked down this path before, with two very different outcomes from each experience and I believe I have some insight, have an awareness that Master and the young woman simply do not.  I also believe that my ability to read emotions, to predict outcomes based on said emotions is one of my strongest attributes and is something I respect and listen to.

I also am aware that because of my experiences I speak and feel from a place of raw honesty.  And although my feelings are expressed openly that does not mean I do not guard such emotions.  My previous triad relationships brought forth a great deal of happiness and love but they also brought with them a sadness, a sadness which was to be expected but still not easy to work through.

The relationship Master and I share with the young woman is different from my previous threesome relationships, mainly because I am now part of the foundation rather  than the extension; however, what remains the same is my concern and awareness of all emotions ellicted by all parties.  And unlike "traditional" polyamourous relationships I believe the one Master and I are embarking on needs extra attention because this is not a relationship which shall remain forever, this is a relationship that will eventually move full circle, back to where it started: friendship.

In truth when I look at the relationship Master and I share with the young woman I tend to think of the time with her as being borrowed.  I know that her goal is to eventually find someone for herself, a person just for her and both Master and I want this for her.  Master and I have spoken at great lengths regarding that exact topic and we both want the young woman to explore, to have a full life and part of that is having someone to call her own.  And just as the young woman wishes to have someone just for herself I do not wish to always have a third person in our relationship.  I like the ebb and flow of diversity but I also appreciate having Master just for me and me just for Master.  Neither of these feelings take away from the experience I will have with her, they merely are facts and regardless of how much time we will have with the young woman I will embrace every moment and take joy from all we share.

I have often been described as a realist and I very much believe I am.  Being realistic is not the same as being negative or lacking in hope though, it simply means I can see things for what they are and accept them, limitations and all.  The journey with this young woman will bring many surprises along the way, many moments of joy and laughter and exploration but I would be fooling myself if I did not acknowledge that bringing in a third party will also bring about great challenges and many obstacles.  I am confident that I can embrace both and I have  faith in myself because of all I have experienced and because of how I approach this new situation.

Every experience brings a new lesson.  And I am always open to learn.

~His

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