Read It Together

• Ask. And you shall receive. Part I.
• Ask. And you shall receive. Part II.
• Ask. And you shall receive. Part III.
• Epilogue.

Often after experiencing something new, something which creates an overload of sensations to course through my mind and body I become emotional. The intensity to said emotions varies and does not always surface immediately. With regards to the weekend's experience, my emotional outburst occurred Tuesday evening. In all honesty I am not quite certain what triggered it and to this day I still do not know. As confusing as my reaction was to me it was just as surprising to Master and when he asked me, repeatedly what was wrong, all I could tell him was that I was emotional.

My lack of explanation brought forth a rather intimate and confessing conversation between Master and myself. We discussed many topics, most of which revolved around me and my insecurities and although I generally share all which transpires I have decided to keep much of our exchange to myself. What I can say is that during our conversation I learned that I am feeling rather exposed, rather raw and not just to Master but to the young woman and to pretty much every person who reads my journal, Masters journal and the young woman's journal. In many ways I feel as though I am under a microscope and everything that is personal to me, everything that is special to me, everything which is intimate is no longer just mine or mine and Masters but the world.

My Master is an incredibly generous person. He is a man who likes to give for the sake of giving. I truly believe he takes a great amount of pleasure from seeing someone who is happy, who receives something that will make him/her happy. Master is also someone who believes in sharing this "lifestyle" with the world to help educate, to help promote a healthy attitude and an open mind and to bring both the vanilla world and the kink world together. Master has often expressed that he feels our journals are beneficial for the "community" as it allows many people a glimpse into a healthy BDSM relationship. And I agree. I know that from reading the few online journals that have captured my attention, that I have learned from those experiences as well as making strong connections with the people who share their world. With that being said though, it can be an overwhelming feeling knowing that absolutely everything I experience is recorded and shared with as many people who wish to read my ramblings.

And I believe because of my exposure I have been feeling a little more emotional than times before. What I find interesting is that I was not able to identify those feelings until Master and I spoke, allowing the conversation to move in circles until finally I was able to tap into these thoughts. As someone who is private, it can be challenging to become an open book and in many ways I have done just that, with Master, with my journals and now with the young woman. I do not regret being as vulnerable as I am but I do believe it is important to acknowledge my feelings and to allow myself time to work through them. In many ways, and I shared this with Master, because we share so much I often feel as though there is nothing special for just me. Just me and Master. I think that is why the hierarchy was developed. I wanted to ensure that some things were just mine. Mine and Masters. As much as I dislike saying I need something, I truly believe I need to have special things between just me and Master and the hierarchy allows me to have that.

Having Masters love, wearing Masters collar, sharing Masters bed, being the only one to call Master, Master and having my lips be the only lips Master kisses are true treasures to me and I am hounoured Master has allowed his slave such gifts. And I am happy to have learned of one more thing that I share with Master; the controlling of another person. I feel incredibly lucky to share control with Master with regards to the young woman. I am finding that knowing we control her together, as a solid union brings me a sense of togetherness with Master. Granted I am not as experienced and often feel slightly awkward, having Master right there beside me as I do control the young woman is exhilarating and fills me with a sense of connection that warms my entire being.

At the moment the control Master and I have over the young woman is limited to when she is in our presence, in our home. I believe the step to sharing that control over the young woman was made possible because Master and I came up with rules together, once more as a union. I was included, well actually I was given control and with that I turned to Master for guidance. Being included, as I am learning, means absolutely everything to me. During the time when the young woman has been in our presence, Master has been the main controller; however, I have taken the lead a few times and experience no hesitation when telling the young woman what to do: sit on the floor, quit fidgeting, undress and so on and so forth. I know that my ability to give the young woman instructions is largely due to the fact that Master and I are doing this together: controlling her together. And that is why when Master uses the young woman, plays with her cunt and or ass cunt, smacks her flesh, makes her cry, I do not feel as though I am sharing Masters' control but rather Master and I are sharing the control over the young woman.

I am Masters' slave. Master always has total and complete control over me and I will always obey him. This includes when playing with the young woman - I will always follow Masters lead and in the end Master has complete say over what shall happen but in that, Master and I share control over the young woman. I am not submissive to the young woman, I do not take orders from her but she does from me and I am grateful to share that control with Master. I feel it connects us on an entirely new level. I am grateful for that exchange.

As I mentioned, at the moment, the amount of control Master and I have over the young woman is limited to when the young woman is in our presence. I know that limitation will quickly expand to some time when she is not in our presence. I am most certain it will most likely happen sometime this week or early next week as I believe both Master and the young woman are eager to start using the anal dilator kit Master purchased for the young woman while we were our shopping during the weekend. The concept of controlling some aspects of the young woman when she is not in our presence leaves me with yet a new sensation. The idea that Master and I would be controlling moments of the young woman when she is not with us brings on a new sense of responsibilities, ones I am not accustomed to having but I know that I will be able to exhibit that control because Master and I are doing so together.

When it comes to what Master and I will control truly will depend on what the young woman wishes for us to control. The concept of giving up control is most often filled with a contradiction of excitement and fear and I do hope that whatever the young woman wishes to share with both Master and myself she knows that together, Master and I will always work hard to ensure the young woman has positive experiences. I can not help but wonder what areas of control the young woman will eventually turn over to both Master and myself. I believe the anal training will be the first and I would not be surprised if, eventually the young woman gave over control of her bedtime followed by perhaps wake up times and maybe her wardrobe and quite possibly her studying time.

I believe it might take some time for her to give up control with regards to playing with others, any extra curricular activity she might wish to par take in and I believe she may hold on to any control regarding her hair. Although the young woman has never come right out and said it, I believe the young woman holds a great deal of her identity with her hair, kind of like a security blanket of sorts. I think I sense this in her because I know that was one of the last things for me to give over. Hair seems to mean a great deal to some of us feline creatures.

I must say I do feel excitement when I think of Master and I being given some of the young woman's control. I think that the reason I feel any form of excitement is because Master and I will be doing this together. That all decisions will be made together, as a team and that makes me feel happy, makes me feel included, makes me feel a part of the exchange and interaction with the young woman. It makes me feel as though Master and I truly making this step together.

I am hoping that when the young woman is ready to give Master and I control, that she will come to both of us. To ask both of us and then Master and I can speak together and take that control together. I want to share every aspect of the young woman with Master and I am thankful that Master feels the same. Since the first conversation Master and I had regarding bringing in a toy for us to play with Master has always stated that it would be something we would do together.

The first night Master and the young woman played I did not join them. I do not regret that decision because I learned things about myself that I do not believe I would have if I was part of the experience. With that said though, what I learned from not being apart of the moment is that I felt such isolation, such a lack of connection with Master and that brought a wealth of pain and that is something I just do not wish to experience again. I learned from that one moment that everything we do regarding another person we must do it together, never separate, always as a union. Every step we take, we take together. Granted I might have to walk a little faster and Master might have to slow his pace ever so slightly, but each step we take together, each decision we make together. And I feel so grateful that we have ever since.

When the young woman is ready to ask for Master and I to control her ass cunt training I wonder if Master and I will make the schedule together or maybe the young woman and I will make it together or if Master and I will decide that the young woman needs to make a schedule herself and present it to both Master and myself and together we will decide if it is appropriate. As someone who has had experience with said training I know that I will be beneficial in helping make the training a success. I am a very patient person though and am more than happy to wait until the young woman is completely ready to ask. But when she does I know both Master and I will be happy to help.

I believe I have learned a great deal about myself and about Master and I am pleased with my lessons. I feel stronger for them and although asking for something is still a little challenging I am learning the importance of doing just that. I also believe that the number one lesson I learned about bringing in a third person is that everything has to be on the table, all feelings, all ideas, all actions must be out in the open for everyone to see because when thoughts and actions are not disclosed that is when insecurity washes to the surface and when doubt enters the equation and that never makes for a positive exchange.

Being included is critical in ensuring the exchange between Master, the young woman and myself move in a positive direction. By being included, by being a part of all which transpires with the young woman is one of the major reasons I am able to think about the future, of possibly having the young woman as "our" toy, "our" pet. Of course, much more time must pass, a year perhaps and many more experiences must be shared, but I am keeping my mind open to the possibility of perhaps one day, if Master, the young woman and myself so desire that perhaps she would be "ours".

Master and I have shared a great deal in the past four/five weeks and I believe I feel closer to Master now than I ever have before. I feel as though we are moving together, in unison, both of us sharing all that we desire, all that we want and together we are finding our way. For the first time in a long time I feel included with Masters thoughts, Masters desires and I know part of that is because I am finally asking. When Master has spoken or engaged with other women, at the time potential playmates/toys I kept a slight distance because I simply did not know how to approach all that I was feeling and thinking; however, this time, this time I ask, I converse and I know Master is sharing everything with me as I am sharing everything with him.

I am very happy where we are.

I must also say that from our experiences with the young woman I also feel far more in tuned with my own slavery and I find that I want to demonstrate it every day, all day to/with Master. And I like that.

I disclosed a great deal as of late. I have opened my heart and exposed it to Master, to myself and I feel slightly drained from doing so; however, I believe it is important for myself to have allowed all my thoughts and feelings to strum from my fingertips, to allow them to move from me into this virtual realm.

I feel very loved. And I am very much in love.

Thank you for always including me Master.

~Yours, for always.

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