I had thought I finished writing, at least for today and quite possibly for the rest of the week; however, there is one topic I wish to discuss prior to allowing my fingers and mind to rest.

I have spoken with Master regarding my feelings about being "dominant" with the young woman and how those feelings are not natural. With that said though, it does not mean it feels unnatural. I have often taken a role of authority with people I work with, those I associate with and I am most often the leader when engaged in a group. When I approach the young woman I tend to do it with an air of authority, rather than that of a Top. I find it easy to instruct and guide her because in my mind I do take the role of, well, a role very similar to that of a teacher. I believe because of my approach I do not find it hard to correct or consequence the young woman. I am simply teaching her proper etiquette and behaviour.

I am very aware that when speaking with the young woman my voice changes, my posture becomes straighter, stronger and my general demeanor becomes more controlled. These are all behaviours I feel I need at the moment, I require as I find my balance. And finding said balance is taking some time. As I discussed with Master, so far it has been challenging to slide from one extreme to the next. In one minute I am sharing control of the young woman's actions and within that same moment Master wishes for me to submit to him. To obey him. And I do. I always will. Still, it is confusing to go from being in the moment of controlling a person to remembering that every ounce of who I am is in constant control with Master. And I would not want it any other way. In fact, as interestingly as it sounds, during the times in which Master and I are controlling the young woman I feel a greater desire to feel Masters control over me.

I have faith that with time I will experience my emotions leveling so that during those moments when Master and I are sharing control over the young woman I will not feel the need to distance my submission from Master. Binding those two powers is challenging but I am up for any task. I know that simply sharing my confusion with Master has already made a world of difference. Knowing that Master is aware of my conflict allows me to give Master my confusion, to have Master help me to work past this hurdle and move towards a happy state of harmony.

Balance has played a very significant and positive role in my life. I am a unit of balance and I like it that way. At the moment the balance has shifted, not permanently, but it is still off kilter. Time and effort truly are the only means to shift my internal scale and until that happens I will speak openly with Master, ask Master for guidance knowing Master will always be here for me.

~His

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