A new kind of drug dealer.

Ask. And you shall receive. Part I. »« Over exposed.

A new kind of drug dealer.

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Recently a friend of mine made a comment that created much reflection for me. After reading one of my more recent entries she left this comment:

Perhaps if you do plan a little and get something creative and exciting planted in your mind that you want to explore with your Master or the young woman, then you’ll be caught up in the fast-paced excitement, as well.

At first I simply read it for what it was but as I sat on the living room floor, staring at her words I could feel that twinge, that niggling inside of me that told me something was "up" with my feelings. As obvious as it was, I could not match my sensations to the words, it was not until I woke this morning that I understood where my unsettled reaction was coming from.

Since the very first meeting with the young woman, both Master and the young woman have been filled with excitement. In every conversation I shared with them regarding playing together I have heard a sense of eager bliss, both of their minds constantly swimming with new ideas, new possibilities, pretty much absolutely anything they could imagine. On Thursday when the young woman came to the house I felt that same urgency - a need to experience everything at once. An excitement to put as much pleasure, as much experience into those ten hours, as humanly possible. Truthfully it has been similar to watching people who are high; individuals who want just one more hit, to soar just one more time.

I was witness to that very unique lust yesterday as Master and I were in Home Depot, shopping for an assortment of potential toys. With every pipe, every rubber tube, every piece of wood I witnessed the glaze cover Masters eyes and I knew he was already feeling the anticipation of using such devices, of receiving his "high". And although I have no proof, I am certain had I shared with the young woman all the naughty thoughts Master had she too would be salivating with lust, wanting the next play weekend to come quickly. In some ways I feel like a little drug dealer, only there are no pills, no artificial substance. No, instead the drug of choice comes in the form of BDSM, the exchange of it between a young woman and my Master.

Witnessing such excitement from an outside perspective is very interesting. I am very happy to see Master beam, to see the pleasure in his face and I am glad the young woman is receiving just as much pleasure and that she gets to experience such events in a caring and safe environment; however, I confess it is odd not to feel the same level of heightened sensations. I would say that my level of involvement is curiousity. I want to explore to understand my own desires, to see what I truly want with regards to my sensuality and sexuality. In many ways I look to the times we spend with the young woman as tasks, moments for me to learn about myself so that I can fully understand who I am and what I am.

What I am taking from our exchanges with the young woman is different from what Master takes. This does not mean it is negative, it simply means it is different. And although my feelings do not match those of Master I still wish to explore because I have not yet fully learned all that I want to.

~His

Slave musings