According to Merriam-Webster:

Fetish
Function:
noun
Etymology:
French & Portuguese; French fétiche, from Portuguese feitiço, from feitiço artificial, false, from Latin facticius factitious
Date:
1613
1 c: an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression
2: a rite or cult of fetish worshipers
3: fixation

Fetish appears to have become a synonym for kink or lust or desire or fantasy. When regarding the word fetish under those definitions, I can relate to having fetishes. However, if one were only to consider the dictionary definition, it must be said that I truly have none for there are absolutely no objects or bodily parts that are necessary for my sexual gratification.

With that said though, recently I removed the list of my fetishes from my Fet life account. My intent was to remove everything that I once thought I should like or believed I liked and to start fresh. I have now added two fetishes: spanking and humiliation. I am confident to say that spankings bring arousal to me, both mentally and physically and although I have yet to be spanked hard, I believe I will enjoy that pain, of course, only once I can convince my brain to quiet down and allow my body to simply feel the sensations.

Pain is an interesting sensation for me. Speak to any doctor who has treated me and he or she will tell you that I have an extremely high pain tolerance level. I have encountered numerous injuries that many people would faint from and yet I do not. I think that my tolerance to that kind of pain is high because I injured myself so much while growing up. Needless to say, grace was never my middle name. I can hike on a shattered ankle bone but god forbid I remain still while Master stings my bottom with his bare hand. I am such a twisted creature.

The concept of being humiliated is a desire that leaves me conflicted. I know from my own fantasies that the idea of being embarrassed, vulnerable and exposed often brings me to a rather powerful climax. I have had numerous thoughts regarding both myself and a potential female toy to be used and subjected to numerous embarrassing acts and as much as I wish they did not arouse me, in the end my face is flushed, my breath lost and my body leaking.

I feel comfortable listing these two fetishes because I have reflected on them, evaluated them and have reached positive, erotic results from experiencing such events. There are many other activities that I enjoy but there are also many passions that I thought I should like because I am slave but, in truth, I really did not know if I liked it because I had never tried and also I only stated I liked it because it seemed appropriate to do so. I use to do things that seemed "appropriate" all the time. Now; however, I want to do things because they feel right, because I want to.

And there is something I really want to do and that is to stop saying "no" before I have ever tried it simply because I am afraid of it. I am a big scaredy cat. Most often I will back away from something because it leaves me feeling unsettled and out of control. Interesting that I would back away from feeling a loss of control since it is that very feeling of helplessness that arouses me so. More often than not, I will beg, whimper and even pull away from Master when I have a sudden sense of fear towards an activity Master wishes for me to experience. I am not so certain why I become as frantic as I do; I know I am always safe with Master, still, my nervousness consumes me and before long Master has changed his mind and has moved onto something else.

I am very aware of my many lost opportunities. I know there have been moments where something amazing could quite possibly have happened and yet my fear crippled me, kept me motionless. I no longer want that. I want to force myself to move outside my comfort zone. To face my doubts, concerns, desires, lusts and to appreciate the person I am and the passions I have.

Slowly, I know my fetish list will grow. Realistically, the list will not be as long as it once was but it will be an honest list, one I truly live by.

~His slave

Related reading:

1. Owning up. This journal has provided an out­let for my slave self...