I was five and standing in our small bathroom with my mum and sister. We had all just felt the warmth of a blow dryer and were now in the process of brushing our long locks. As always encouraged by my mum, the three of us were bent forward, our hair falling before our eyes and a strong wooden brush with delicate bristles held in my tiny hand. On the count of three each of us brought the brushes to our hair and began our routine of 20 strokes. I can still here my mum's soothing voice as she reached the final number and in true Charlie Angel's fashion we all stood up, flipped our hair and giggled.

This was my first lesson in beauty but definitely not my last.

I have been surrounded by lovely women my entire life. Women who have shaped my ideas as to what beauty means to me and although the image has broadened I still find myself turning back to that one perfect woman. Up until recently, my idea of a beautiful woman was blonde, tall, long legs, 32b breasts, 24 waist, 32 hips, large brown eyes with spider leg length lashes, high cheek bones, stunning chicklet white teeth and tiny feet. Although I still consider that image to project true beauty, I no longer believe it is the epitome of beauty. There are people of all different colours, shapes, sizes that I find beautiful still I am drawn to that first image; my mother.

I remember how people looked at her, approached her, spoke with her and flirted with her. I can recall the way she slipped her small foot into those extremely high heels; how the swirl of her skirt playfully displayed her legs and how the beautiful lace bra made her breasts appear announced but still feminine. My mother always dressed provocatively but never inappropriately. Her hair, her make up, the scent of her perfume all depicted a woman of loveliness and it is only now that I truly understand the significance of the time she use to put into herself. Although I will always believe and see only true beauty in my mum time, life experiences and a lack of loving herself enough have altered her priorities and this makes me sad yet very aware of myself and what I wish to give to this world, to my Master, to myself.

I am sad for my mum because she is a wonderful woman and yet she no longer values herself as such. Sad because I recall the woman she once was and granted, age affects us all, but she sparkles on the inside still and so she deserves to sparkle on the out as well. My dreams for her are that she begins to see herself through my eyes and take the time she deserves to spend on herself, to bring that beauty back to her eyes. Watching my mother has been a huge factor and influence to how I see myself now. I confess, I was your typical woman, never happy with what I look like, always wanting improvement, constantly thinking there was nothing pretty about me.

The reality is people view us in the same manner in which we project ourselves. When I did not wear make up or have my hair done or wear clothes that were shapeless, then the image I offered was not attractive. I did not bring beauty to myself, to the person I was with or my environment. I am still a firm believer that true beauty comes from within but part of that is loving yourself enough to take care of yourself. There is a difference between not liking yourself and simply wanting to change parts of yourself and I fall into the latter. I am at a place in my life where I finally feel pretty, where I want to contribute beauty to this world and to be someone my Master is so utterly proud to have on his arm, to display.

My modifications such as nails always painted, finger nails groomed, hair always pretty (okay I have always been vain when it comes to my hair), make up applied, those have been slow and there is so much more to happen and yes part of that will be surgery as I am not opposed to it, but right now I feel as though I am moving forwards and although I can never fight the aging process, I can always ensure I take the time to love myself enough to bring a little beauty to this world.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be pretty. With a little bit of vanity in our lives. I can not wait until the day comes when I am finally fully confident with who I am, happy to display myself for Master.

~His

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