Birthdays have only ever once bothered me once, when I turned 22. I remember feeling as though I had not accomplished all that I should by such an "old" age; such as being married, having children and completing my degrees. After a lengthy conversation with a very dear friend who I share my life day with, we both shed our doubts about what we should have achieved versus what we actually have and celebrated our day knowing we had a wonderful future ahead of us. And so, out of thirty-five years of candles and parties, there was only that one which was troublesome. Well, one until now.

Turning thirty-six means I am officially closer to forty than thirty. I recall my thirtieth, when a friends father smiled, wished me happy birthday and then reminded me I was a mere 10 years away from turning forty. I blinked then as I do now, knowing full well the next four years will pass in a blur and the precious gift of time will continue to accelerate. Time itself is not what I fear though, it is the aging that takes place during those additional years that causes me to cringe.

I am fortunate to have a clear and fresh complexion. I have worked diligently to ensure I am at least one step ahead in the race of looking old(er) and thankfully, most often when people learn of my age they often state I look approximately 6-8 years my junior. Still, the numbers do not lie and I am no longer that young girl, all pretty and fresh. Now I am a woman, a professional, a person of experience and knowledge, of history and yes, wrinkles.

Now, there are numerous methods to remove wrinkles; surgery, laser and of course botox. I, personally, am not opposed to botox and have asked Master about it numerous times; however, he is adamant in not permitting me to have any injections. Although I do not believe I would require any at this particular moment in four years, perhaps I will. I want to remain pretty for Master, to ensure I bring him delight when he looks at me, kisses me, holds my hand. This whole "aging process" creates new challenges for attaining such goals and for the first time I am truly aware that growing older will indeed, affect even me.

Recently Master and I attended a play event and unlike most people, who were simply enjoying the activities, I was looking at the women: their bodies, their hair, their faces, their hands and I could not help but feel slightly sad that I too will one day be "old". I went from woman to woman, examining them, from a distance, observing who took care of their skin versus who did not; how one woman looked much older than she truly was where as another looked approximately 5-7 years younger than she actually was. I was not invasive in my observations, I did not speak with any woman and I was not there to insult or hurt anyone, I was merely taking notice of everyones differences and of course of age. The more I looked, the more I realised that my vanity is far stronger than I ever imagined. I want to be pretty, forever. I want to have taut skin, a lovely smile, beautiful hair. I want to be desirable and this birthday, this one day which dictates that I am suddenly no longer thirty-five but thirty-six makes me ponder just how long I will be able to remain lovely.

Aging is a natural process, everyone does it. But that does not mean I have to allow it to alter my appearance. I can continue to eat healthy, drink lots of water and if necessary seek medical assistance. And, most of all, I can keep my mind young, ignited, constantly asking questions and seeking answers. I know part of my desire to remain "young" in looks and spirit is because my Master is younger than me, because Master deserves to be with someone who is beautiful. I also desire to retain my beauty because I want it, I like being pretty, I value it and I will continue to strive to keep looking younger, always.

Today I am thirty-six but to the public eye, I am 28. And that is just the way I want it.

~His birthday slave

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