One toy, two toys, pink toys, new toys.
I believe sexuality is fluid. I am not the first to express that sentiment but I certainly follow the cue. And like sexuality I also believe the number of people involved in a relationship flows with a necessary desire at that specific time and not by legal or religious views.
I have never been in a relationship which was monogamous. In the past, the men I have been involved with have always stated that they wanted an additional 'toy' to play with. The difference between those relationships and the one I have with Master is that this is the first time I have expressed my true feelings regarding a third party. In the past I simply agreed with the men stating it was 'okay' to bring home girls to be intimate with when the truth was I was not always comfortable with the situation. I would prepare the home for the visitor and once the girl had arrived I worked diligently in ensuring she felt at ease, completely disregarding my own feelings in the moment. Afterward, when I lay in the same bed 'he' had fucked 'her' in, I found myself feeling little and beyond sad. Still, no matter how poorly I felt after the threesome took place I continued to indulge in such activities in hopes of pleasing the man I was with.
Looking back on those years I realise the injustice of my silence and how unfair I was to both the men I was dating and myself. By not telling the truth I put every relationship in jeopardy and I vowed not to do that with Master; however, expressing feelings I have kept caged for so long is not as easy as it sounds. I have always felt awkward at expressing my need to be #1 in a relationship. For reasons unknown to me, I did not believe I was enough for someone, that I could not bring enough pleasure to a man; however, I have since come to learn that I am more than enough to fulfill a relationship and that bringing in a new trinket, whether that toy is a constant or a one night adventure does not diminish the love my Master has for me and the place I have in his heart and life.
Master and I have spoken openly about having an additional party in our relationship and for the most part I too find myself highly aroused at the prospect of a sweet plaything pleasuring Master as well as being someone I can have a friendship with. As open and wanting as I am though, there are still moments when I turn to Master and through awkward exchanges eventually ask Master to reassure me that I am all he ever needs and in true Master fashion he extinguishes any insecurity I might have.
Relationships are complex, rocky at times in even the most perfect of couplings which is why I believe the greatest anchor is honesty. Being true to my Master as well as to myself has allowed me to embrace my desires and to come to terms with the fact that as much as I take pleasure in Master having an additional relationship I too receive great excitement when flirting with someone I find attractive; when I believe I am the desire, the want of another human being.
Monogamy may not be the world Master and I live in but we are faithful to one another, there are no secrets, no hidden agendas, no misconceptions of what we want, what we crave, what we wish to experience and although there is still awkwardness from time to time I feel confident and secure in my relationship with Master and most importantly in myself.
~His grace
Related reading:
- Pink: not just for little girls. When I was little I remember sitting on the chesterfield...
- Tickled pink. I tend to be a serious little bugger. I ponder,...
- Learning to ask. I used to be the mastermind of hinting. I knew...
- Traffic jam in my neurological highway. I feel as though the thoughts in my mind are...
- My service to Master. Last night as I knelt on the floor before Master,...
Wednesday,January 21,2009 at 11:17 pm
Saturday,February 28,2009 at 7:40 amslave
| link | my site | author
His pet
You are most welcome. I claim not to be of any wisdom but I have had experiences and if sharing those brings comfort, than I am happy.
I do wish you and your Master all the very best and I hope you continue to read and share your thoughts.
In warmth
~His grace
Friday,February 27,2009 at 3:46 pmHis pet
| link
Thank You so very much for your words. i found comfort and wisdom in them. my Master has been very patient and loving in his guidance of this slave, and i feel safe with him. He has and is doing alot to build my belief in myself.
Gratefully,
his pet
Thursday,February 26,2009 at 5:48 amslave
| link | my site | author
His pet,
The concept of “bringing in an additional toy” often seems attractive in theory but so often can turn negative without one even wanting it to. With that said, that does not mean it always will and there are some people who have wonderful experiences with additional parties.
My experience has, for the most part, been challenging. Master and I have spoken at great length about adding a dolly trinket to our play and the one thing he has said from the very beginning was “You are all I need”. Those five little words have kept me warm whenever we have thought of asking someone to join us. Master reassures me constantly that he never needs another person to be happy and that if we never did have an additional toy he would be happy. I receive constant praise from him as well which helps; a little reassurance goes a long way.
But what has changed the most for me in this relationship is that I am being honest with myself. When Master and I were first involved I told him I never wanted another girl to join us. He, without any hesitation, said “okay”. I explained to him about previous relationships and he told me that he would not put me in a place of self esteem discomfort. The fact that he never pushed it or brought it up until I did allowed me to time to come to the idea all on my own. Also, I am far more confident with who I am and the relationship I am in. Bringing in a third party would not be me wanting to give Master something I can not because I truly believe I am all he needs. My self esteem is far higher now than it was in previous relationships and that is the number one reason why I can open myself to the possibility of another partner.
I am very honest with my Master regarding my feelings and from what I read in your letter you still feel uncomfortable. I am not here to tell anyone what to do but from experience I have learned that if I am genuinely uncomfortable I share my feelings but do not participate in something that feels painful.
I wish you and your Master all the very best and I wish you both open and honest communication.
Should you have any other questions or wish to talk about something please feel free to do so.
In warmth
~His grace
Wednesday,February 25,2009 at 5:12 pmHis pet
| link
i would like to know, what does Your Master do to reasure You of his feelings before during and after another toy has joined You?
in my past life (other Dom) i was hurt by both parties that i was with.
Now my Master that i love with all of my soul has asked me to have someong else join us. i am very unsure, and am afraid of being hurt again. my Master says to trust him. that i am His and nothing will hurt me in that way.
I would like to hear any thoughts that You might have.
Thank YOU,
his pet
Sunday,February 8,2009 at 4:10 pmslave
| link | my site | author
KinkyAs
I agree. Honesty is the only way to live life.
Thank you for your words I look forward to more should you wish to share.
In warmth
~His grace
Saturday,February 7,2009 at 1:09 amKinkyAs
| link | my site
I.m with Rio on this — it is as important that you are honest with your sel as it is to be honest with your Master.
Monday,January 26,2009 at 10:24 pmslave
| link | my site | author
viemoira,
thank you. I believe it is all about honesty. Not just to your partner but also to yourself. Sometimes getting to that ‘light bulb moment’ takes a long time though. Happily, I have arrived to that conclusion.
Thank you for your comment. Please feel free to continue to share with me and my Master.
In warmth
~His grace
Sunday,January 25,2009 at 3:14 pmviemoira
| link | my site
i really enjoyed this post– many great points as to why trust and honesty as well as openess are so very important in a relationship– especially within the dynamic.
Saturday,January 24,2009 at 10:22 pmslave
| link | my site | author
Rio,
Thankyou. Yes, it is important to be true to oneself and it was definitely a learning experience which I do not regret but am grateful to have had that lesson now learned.
Thank you for taking time to read my journal and to comment.
I look forward to more.
In warmth
~His grace
Friday,January 23,2009 at 9:38 amRio
| link
Glad you have managed to speak up, it’s very important to be true to yourself because if the relationship fails all you have left is you. There is a big difference between wanting to please someone and setting yourself up for abuse and self loathing.