Something happened last night. I discovered something about a loved one, something that for reasons I am still trying to wrap my thoughts around, has brought forth an overwhelming level of sadness accompanied with awkward uncomfortableness. My emotions are ridiculous though because what I learned is, first and foremost none of my business and second has absolutely nothing to do with me, my life or my well being.
Still, all night and periodically throughout my day I continued to dwell on the information that has now festered deep within my consciousness, holding me hostage, producing obscure pictures just behind my eyes. I can not explain my ridiculous reactions to this news; which I openly delved into, sneakily so if I admit honestly to myself, and I am puzzled as to why I am upset about someone engaging in intimate contact while someone watches.
How ludicrous of me to be discombobulated from knowing that two people who love each other wish to engage in monogamous sexual intercourse while another person watches them! How absolutely insane is my response to such a simple and erotic experience which pales in comparison to all the acts of indiscretion in which I actively, happily and continually engage in.
Still, I can not help but feel oddly overprotective, wanting to shield this person from – from – I am uncertain as to what from but protect them nonetheless.
This knowledge leaves me with an unpleasant sensation, one which I shared with Master immediately, hoping he could soothe my absurd feelings, unfortunately he was not. I feel as though my thoughts are swirling and I am unable to gain control. I know I will need to write more at a later date, hopefully to gain resolution, until then I shall end this entry in chaos.
I know this entry makes no sense but it is a true representation of what is occurring inside me.
~His confused slave
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2 Responses
wifey says...
Give it time.
I’ve been there, and I must confess, with your blog sometimes I get those feelings
I know we’ve shared a lot, I have wanted what you have, I know I have moved somewhere else, for now. But some things provoke unexpected reactions. I had to focus on the fact that i love you, I trust you to make the best decisions for you, and ultimately, what I think has no baring at all on what you should or should not do. Then, with time, it didn’t matter so much, if at all.
We all want what is best for our loved ones, and sometimes that is accepting that they are free to make decisions you would not make for them.
Ultimately though, for me, it was my issue to work through, not anyone else’s.
As always,
love
goodgirl says...
My dearest wifey
with all my heart, I love you.
I will write again to your comment tonight but I wanted you to read this – Thank you. And once more, I love you.
Always,
~yours