This coming new year, 2009, will if all goes well with our careers, be the time when Master and i will reside under the same roof. i am more than looking forward to this step forward in our relationship; however, there are always moments of wonder and uncertainty when geography changes.

I know that many aspects to our world will be affected and some situations will be easily adapted and others will create turmoil, if only in the beginning. One such area of concern is: compromise. Compromise is a challenging element in a vanilla union, in a total power exchange partnership it can bring about an internal war zone.

I obey Master; however, due to distance there have been some liberties/privileges in which Master has granted me merely out of necessity. I have come accustomed to a rather independent lifestyle and I have always taken pleasure from having things, well, my way. My home is clean everyday, dishes complete, bed made, groceries that I enjoy, the television shows I like to watch, movies I can watch over and over again and do, earth tones on the walls, no clutter, low lights, multiple candles, soft scents lingering through the home, windows open while I sleep, almost no artifacts on kitchen and or bathroom counter tops, nothing uber feminine nor masculine and a warm home at all times. In conjunction to this I have also lived a life where I have not asked for everything, merely out of time restraints and reality. I drink when I need to, eat when my body requires it, sleep when I am tired and wake when my body is well rested. In a nutshell I have been living independently for the vast majority of my grown up life, give or take 17 years.

Although my realisation to such an extreme altercation to the life I have always known has only just occurred to me, Master has predicted that our new found living arrangements will most assuredly bring forth a great deal of conflict for me and therefore has already started prepping me for our life together. My first lesson has come in the form of a task. Master has instructed me to make a list of 100 Top Privileges, so far I have recorded twenty. Although the list is incomplete it has already triggered many thoughts and have left me reflective. A part of me wants to simply record anything that comes to mind but the reality is I do not consider everything a privilege and I want to be honest with my perception of my relationship with Master.

Rationally I believe Master will permit me such life style necessities as eating, breathing, sleeping, drinking, working, engaging with family and friends and working out.

R - A - T - I - O - N - A - L - L - Y.

Unfortunately my mind works in a more irrational point of view with a constant underlying doubt that Master may or may not permit me such amenities. This aspect to my personality comes from, perhaps, my inner fears which revolve around my insecurities in becoming comfortable with who I am. After all this time I am still scared of the slave I am and all that I want. I know that much of this fear comes from years of caring what others thinking of me and being judged by those I love and yes, do not even know.

I digress though, the point to this diatribe is to share my moment today, an interaction with Master that was preparing me, once again for our time when we are secure behind our own four walls. I had been researching online and had, the first time, asked permission for a drink of my water with lemon. As we continued our exchange I did what came naturally and extended my arm, allowing my fingers to curl around the cool glass, bringing the brim to my lips. As the ice-y liquid washed over my tongue I paused, knowing I had made an error. Immediately I acknowledged my error and apologised for my lack of asking. Now, in the past Master would have accepted my apology and we would have continued our conversation. Today though he looked at me, eyes stern but loving and simply explained I would now have to wait thirty minutes before I could take another drink. I was miffed and so when he asked how I felt about that I told him honestly that I thought it was ridiculous. Master then in turn nodded and explained that I could wait one full hour for another drink.

Interestingly this unusual interaction would have created anger inside me; this time however, I was merely ticked. I thought it was silly that Master would consequence me for such behaviours when I am accustomed to being able to take a drink whenever I want one. I did not change the topic, as I would in the past, however, we did merely continue with what we had been discussing prior to the interruption. A few moments passed and I had been having something to eat when I really wanted to clean my palate. I asked Master if I could have a drink and he once again explained that in one hour I could and until then I could not. I would not say I necessarily agree with Masters actions; however, I do understand the why behind his what.

When we are together there are many areas I will have to ask permission and these small steps which are transpiring now will help me so that the compromise will not be as large nor difficult when we are face to face 24/7. I am grateful for Masters insight and even though there have been and still will be hurdles to overcome I appreciate the slow pace in which Master is guiding me so that we both will be happy once the covers are shared.

Relationships are intricate puzzles and I want all of our pieces to fit well even if it takes some time to find each place.

~His slave

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