Rules are the ribbons that bind me.
I like rules. I always have. All throughout school, the teachers and professors I had the greatest respect for were the most disciplined and did not allow any nonsense. Once I left university and embarked on the real world I pursued careers in organizations where my supervisor was predominantly dominant and generally, male. I took comfort in a strong commanding voice that would guide me, educate me and allow me the ability to gain knowledge in order to further my career all while keeping me restrained in discipline.
I feel free within my confines of instructions and expectations and although I might question or try to push past the boundaries placed upon me I only do so to ensure the stability I so desire. Each time, (and it is becoming less), that I do not obey Masters orders or say "no" to Master I know what I am asking for is reassurance - the safety hammock that reminds me I am owned.
Master provides me with a plethora of expectations and although in the beginning I fought each of them, struggling with the idea that should I obey his rules of asking what to wear and what to eat and when and how I am permitted to entertain with friends, with time I have come to value his rules, knowing my obedience in following through demonstrates not only my ownership but my love for Master.
Never have I thought Masters restrictions were ridiculous, they stem from ensuring his property is well taken care of, well nourished and loved. Still, as rational as I am about understanding where his commands come from I do test them from time to time, wanting to feel Masters strength, his stern all encompassing words that mentally devour me, frighten me and ignite my place in his world.
I am fortunate to have a Master who continues to express patience with me, who knows the limitations in a day when life interjects its' little realities; however, as of late I have been feeling a desire to need more restrictions, more structure, tighter rules of ribbon lacing over my wrists, wrapping down my torso, capturing me entirely ensuring I never forget I am property.
~His. Always.
Related reading:
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Tuesday,September 9,2008 at 1:33 pm
Monday,September 15,2008 at 8:51 pmjerusha
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I hope you are feeling better from that nasty bug you caught
I find myself testing everyone not just Master. It’s something I’ve always done and Master does as well. He finds it annoying when I test people though. He is not used to having someone around that is an analyst and strategist. I must admit I want to find out who is weak and will give when I act aggressively. I’ll tell you one thing, I do not respect people who just roll over when I get demanding. I find it challenging when people can go toe-to-toe with me either physically or mentally.
I guess my biggest challenge is accepting “no” as “no” instead of trying to negotiate or debate.
Kind regards,
jerusha
Wednesday,September 10,2008 at 9:32 amslave
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Divine,
After great reflection I believe _i_ test Masters rules because I want to know he will reinforce them; therefore telling me he loves me. Text book child like behaviour — but it works. It has taken quite some time for me to understand my choices and the motives behind them but now that I do understand them I am free — free from disliking myself and free to embrace the slave I am.
Thank you for reading my journal and my Masters. If you should ever have any questions or wish to comment again, please do so.
In warmth,
~His grace
Wednesday,September 10,2008 at 8:00 amDivine
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I am exactly the same. My Master has a lot of patience with me and at times i wish he would place more restrictions on me. I know i brake most of his rules tho… i’m not really sure why, insecure? Don’t trust Master enough? Anyways when i read this post i understould you exactly. I really like your blog and Your Masters log too.
–Divine
–Divine