Honorific.  

Truth be told, up until approximately two years ago I had never heard of such a word, or at the very least I do not remember hearing of said word. For me the prefix before a name was called a title and granted it still is; however, in the world of kink, the term “honorific” appears to be used more often. I am not certain where this movement came from; perhaps it has always been around and I was merely oblivious; either way, it is a word I am hearing quite often and am even finding myself having to deal with it when it comes to potential toys Master I could eventually play with.

If I looked hard enough I believe I would find a journal entry about titles somewhere in my past, especially around the time when Master and I were first starting to train our previous pet.  I can recall the struggles I had trying to come up with an honorific that we all felt comfortable with because for me all I wanted was to be addressed by my name.  Master and our previous pet wanted something different, something that showed who I was in the relationship when it came to her and so we decided on “Miss”.

When I first pondered what would best describe our exchange the common thoughts of Ma’am, Madame and Mistress came to mind; however, Ma’am had an older woman feel to it, (similar to a respected grandmother), Madame  sounded like a brothel owner and the term Mistress just maked me think of adultery.  Even the word “Miss” was not ideal only because that is a term I often used when speaking with younger female children as in “Little Miss, best clean up your room” and other like expressions.  Truth be told even after instituting the use of “Miss” it felt natural to me and when the training ended I was relieved to go back to being addressed by my first name.

The reality is I am not an advocate of the honorific. Yes I use them and yes they do have a place and I was raised to address all men as “Sir” and all women as “Madame” but that was when I was a child and young teen. My elders taught me it was a sign of respect due to my age and although I did not believe every man I met deserved such a respectful introduction, I obeyed my father and to this day when I am formally introduced to an elder gentleman I refer to him as “Sir” until told otherwise.

One would think due to my conditioning that addressing male dominants as “Sir” would come easily; interestingly, it does not. I am not entirely sure why but I do not like to call all male dominants “Sir”. In fact it really bugs me. Of course, my deepest desire is to obey Master which is why that 3 letter word escapes my lips often but that really is the only reason. Quite frankly I do not think that just because someone calls himself a dominant that means I have to address him as Sir and if I was not with Master I most likely would not. Not until I have shared a few conversations and am comfortable with said person and they are comfortable with  me.  There are a few gentleman I have met since being with Master and calling them Sir does not prickle me but that is because a friendship has been formed, therefore I want to show respect on a more familiar level.

And I think that is just it: addressing someone with an honorific is highly personal to me. I realise it is nearly the opposite for many but for me it is something that is shared between people who are on a more personal level thus making it an exchange I do not wish to share with just anyone. Maybe that is why, with our previous pet, it felt unnatural to be called “Miss” because it happened too fast, when we were not on a more positive, familiar ground.  Perhaps that is why, unlike Master, I do not overly like other women addressing Master as “Sir”.  For me it is simply far too personal to be uttered so easily, so carelessly. This of course is merely my perception for Master appreciates being addressed as such; in fact it often makes his smile brighter and when he is playing with another, when he trains another he expects it.

Personally I do not expect any title other than my name. In fact, I generally want to be addressed by my name and name alone. I do not need nick names, terms of endearment or pet names nor do I want just anyone to utter such terms. I was given a name, a name I find rather beautiful and I feel lucky to have it therefore I want it used.  In fact, unless otherwise told, I do not want people to just randomly address me, I want them to speak my name. Only my name. Of course those who are friends, those who are family call me different names from time to time and I am more than comfortable with that just as I like all the names Master has called me, (even the really nasty, humiliating names – names that leave me crimson). The exchanges I have with friends, family and Master though are all personal, all familiar therefore those people have, for a lack of a better definition, earned the right to address me in such a familiar way.

An honorific has meaning to me, a purpose; it is not something haphazardly blurted out, which is how it feels when I hear so many people shout out “Sir”, or “Ma’am” or “sub” to anyone who appears to befit such a term. In many instances it reminds me of the word “like” and how I am painfully hearing it used as a filler in a sentence, such as:

So I was like, going to the store like and all of a sudden, like, I was totally aware I had taken the shirt without paying for it. I was like, totally embarrassed!

This topic will continue to be one of debate, this I am fairly certain of. For now, I know where I stand, I know what is expected of me and I know that when I speak an honorific to someone I want to say it to, my tone will speak only truth and respect.

~cockdoll

(Artist unknown)