Sometime during my mid-teens I learned of that catchy little phrase. I can recall breaking the sentence down to fully understand the meaning and once I conjured up a vivid image of what exactly i thought it meant, i could not help but smile, liking my interpretation.

i have always strived to be a lady. my father desired his daughters to appear feminine and it was a hard and strict rule in my home that all the women were to have long hair. (Granted, as i aged, i did rebel and provided my father with great disappointment when i shaved my auburn locks, offering a stylish crewcut). i was also continually reminded that girls were to wear dresses, pretty shoes and be respectful of the men who gathered around the table.

i was definitely a daddy's girl growing up. my father and i still have a bond that is extraordinary, albeit sometimes conflicted as we both are opinionated. i enjoyed his tales of courting my mother; how he knew by the twinkle in her eyes that she was the one for him and that he treasured her shapely legs and lovely long blond hair. Somehow, along the years, i grew to believe that being a lady was a goal i must achieve and my desire to be feminine was only intensified when i attended elocution and etiquette courses during my elementary school years.

i felt graceful with a strong book upon my head, demanding i walk with composed posture. i felt lovely as i would curtsy before my dance partner and then melt when his small young hand was at my lower back. i appreciated the essence of being a lady and with each year that i aged, my continual goal was to be a true lady.

my desire to be considered a lady soon dissipated once i met my Master. i recall explaining to Master that i am a lady even though i have the mind of "Puck". i openly accepted and desired to always remain Masters slave; His slut; His whore; His bitch; His toy but that i was, at the very core of my soul, also a lady. Master however, believed my desire to be a lady was utter nonsense and that i needn't concern myself over such trivial technicalities of whether i was a lady or not.

Our debate of whether i am a lady or not continues today and as much as i completely love and worship my Master i still feel conflict with His words, still desiring to be a lady. i know Master requires me to be anything but a lady, still, a part of me will ache to be the lady i have always dreamed of: beautiful, feminine, quiet, demure.

~His slave

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