This journal has provided an outlet for my slave self to express views without fears and or hesitations. Master has made it clear to me that this journal is O/our venue to share without inhibitions and to know that anyone who does not like what he or she is reading has no reflection on who W/we are.

Knowing that Master loves me and will support me and more importantly accepts me for the woman and slave i am is all i should need when i write in this journal. Still, as i sit here before this screen, fingers clicking on each key, i am hesitant to share. Unfortunately a part of me is ashamed still at my sexuality and i did not realise that until tonight.

Today Master and i shared an incredible experience of opening boundaries and exploration. During O/our love, Master held my hand and guided me into a world of bliss and unexplainable pleasure. Still, the idea of sharing all that Master and i explored terrifies me. Part of me wants to remain a lady in front of my friends and for some reason i can not yet explain i feel as though the information my friends read on this site changes their views on me.

i know i am projecting, this i understand, still i fear my friends will not see me the same way they always have. As i think those thoughts of rejection i am torn for i also feel that if my friends do not want to know about my slaveness, they do not have to read this journal. i offered it in trust and i never expect my friends to read it but should they, they do take the risk of learning about me in a way they never thought possible and maybe they truly do not want to know.

With all that said, i am taking a leap of faith and i am going to share my experience with Master. i will describe all i felt and did and repeat to myself: i am still a good person, i am a good slave, i am me.

O/our experience.

Earlier today Master encouraged me to go to a toy store and pick a new toy for U/us to enjoy. i went to a store called "Kiss Me" and i purchased a very long and very slender dark royal blue dildo. Master was happy with the purchase and immediately instructed me to insert the toy into His asscunt. i was more than ready to be used as Master had kept me excited all morning just from thinking of the toy shopping.

As i slid the toy into Masters asscunt He instructed me to bend the toy in half and slip the other end into His cunt. He then had me sit up and push down on the toy. Immediately i started to rock back and forth and within minutes i was climaxing. i was whimpering, moaning and screaming loudly, cumming harder with each rocking motion. Master instructed me to pinch His nipples, hard, training me to accept pain as Master is excited to have a trained pain slut.

i became exceptionally aroused from the pain and continued to cum for what seemed like minutes. After cumming, Master asked me if He thought i could take another toy inside His asscunt. As always i was hesitant; however, i did slide our other new long slender toy into His asscunt. i could feel the skin stretching and this feeling always makes me panic. Master soothed me though, helping me to relax and before long both toys were sitting not just comfortably but erotically deep inside me. i was stunned because as Master made me laugh (to help relax me) i was overwhelmed with an orgasm. This orgasm went for minutes and before i knew what was happening i was screaming from pleasure.

i knew instantly that Master was pleased with how His slave responded and His excitement made me cum even more. i was soaked, stretched and floating in a world of absolute pleasure. i could no longer take the orgasms and i begged Master to remove the toys. Master told me the only way i could remove the toys was to place three fingers into His asscunt.

Instinctively i became scared. i could feel the tears, my (His) body tensed but before long He was soothing and me and fingers were pushing into His asscunt, stretching me. i felt an awkward oxymoron as i was feeling both pleasure and shame. i felt a deep humiliation and i suddenly wanted to be a lady even though Master LOVES me when i am His dirty little slave. Master knew immediately i was losing composure and so, Master did what He does best - sooth me.

Master continued to encourage me, whispering how proud He was. And suddenly i was proud too. And i was cumming.

Hard!

Here i was being a perfect little dirty slut and for the first time i was truly aroused. For a slave as explicit as myself, i have struggled my entire life with my sexuality feeling it was dirty and unacceptable. i have no reason to be ashamed for i was not raised to feel dirty from being sexual, but i am - was.

Master has taught me so much about releasing stigmas to who i am and what i can be. Master has helped release all my doubts and insecurities and i feel liberated for sharing all i have with Him. i was absolutely petrified to be His fist fucked bitch and although that title is STILL challenging to accept, it is easier now than ever before.

i believe it is because Master has shown constant acceptance of who i am that today, for the first time, i came without holding my breath. i have always held my breath and this has always created pain in my body. Today, no pain, only release.

my slaveness is finally blossoming.

~His beautiful, accepted slave

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