A mix­ture of trust and inde­pend­ence can be as prom­ising as com­bin­ing oil with water. As a slave i com­pletely embrace and enjoy the trust i have for Master; how­ever, the inde­pend­ent per­son in me often struggles with the release of con­trolling my own life. A strong example of this chal­lenge occurred today while wait­ing for my lug­gage to be dropped off at Masters house.

Yesterday, when i arrived at Masters, the air­lines had mis­placed my lug­gage. Luckily, my bag was loc­ated in Chicago and i was told by Air Canada that i would have my suit­case by December 30, 2007. Although i was agit­ated, i was relieved to know my lug­gage was on its way and so i gladly left the air­port and met Master with a big big hug. i had faith that my suit­case would be returned, as i had been told; how­ever, at approx­im­ately 5pm i still had not heard from the air­lines and i was begin­ning to get angry. Alright, not begin­ning, i was angry. i made another tele­phone call to the air­lines and then i pro­ceeded to go on line. (It is imper­at­ive to my les­son to share with all my read­ers that Master had already twice researched the where­abouts of my lug­gage; there­fore ensur­ing me there had been no doc­u­mented changes to my bag. Although i heard Master when he shared the details, i still wanted to read about the loc­a­tion on my own. Master dir­ec­ted me to step aside from the web­site as noth­ing had changed and i was only frus­trat­ing myself; how­ever, i would not give up. Finally, after a few minutes of hear­ing Masters dir­ect­ives, i made a snarky com­ment of „FINE“. Needless to say, Master was not pleased with my tone or language.

Much to my sur­prise, Master promptly instruc­ted me to retire upstairs to the bed­room. i was shocked, abso­lutely stunned by His words and i felt as though Master was treat­ing me like a three year old. And so in the interest of all three year olds, I stomped, rather heav­ily, up all fif­teen stairs at which point i retired to the bed­room, wait­ing for Him.

After approx­im­ately one minute i heard the door­bell ring and low and behold, my lug­gage had arrived. Now, not only was i ticked at Master for dis­miss­ing my feel­ings but now i was angry because Master was right. (Before my out­burst, Master tried to reas­sure me that my suit­case would show up.) i was only upstairs approx­im­ately 3 minutes (if even that long) when Master came upstairs. Immediately Master approached me, explain­ing my lug­gage had arrived and told me to check it to see if everything was there. Master than kissed my cheek. i was still angry; how­ever, i did as told.

As i was going through the con­tents of the bag, Master and i engaged in a con­ver­sa­tion regard­ing O/our actions. i explained to Master that i was angry because i felt as though He was dis­miss­ing my feel­ings. i explained that all i wanted was to re-check the web­site to ease my mind. Master explained that He under­stood my frus­tra­tions; how­ever, He was upset that i did not trust Him, believe Him when He had just pre­vi­ously looked at the web­site and told me what it read. Master stated He felt as though i did not trust Him.

This was the open­ing to O/our con­ver­sa­tion about com­mu­nic­at­ing and express­ing anger and under­stand­ing what it means to be inde­pend­ent and to trust. i explained to Master that it is dif­fi­cult to just have someone sud­denly „tak­ing care of things“ when i have to take care of everything on my own back home. Throughout O/our con­ver­sa­tion, i learned how sad Master feels when i dis­respect Him by show­ing a lack of trust in Him and He learned about my chal­lenges of being an inde­pend­ent per­son and a slave.

Although the reason behind the con­ver­sa­tion was unpleas­ant, i am most cer­tainly happy W/we had it. i learned Masters feel­ings and Master learned my insec­ur­it­ies and chal­lenges of being a good slave. i prom­ised Master i would abso­lutely work on my respect towards Him and Master prom­ised to help me.

During O/our con­ver­sa­tion, i learned, from Master that my anger is quick and that before i react i should absorb; this will help me to be rational when dis­cuss­ing issues with Master and will also help me to con­vey what i really feel without say­ing things that are either not true or over exaggerated.

i know i will become angry with Master again as He will with me but i also know that i have a little more train­ing and a bet­ter under­stand­ing of how to argue effectively.

~Masters tem­pera­mental slave

i would have to say, that quite pos­sibly, i am the luck­i­est slave, ever! At last, at last i am here, with Master in His home. i love that everything smells of Him and that finally, W/we will be in an envir­on­ment where W/we may be true to O/ourselves. i real­ise Master is being gen­er­ous with my liber­ties right now and i believe that is due to my sleep­i­ness after the long trip; how­ever, i know at any given moment Master may com­mand abso­lutely _anything_ from me; and i am happy know­ing that.

i have been ima­gin­ing O/our time together since Master first asked me to come be with Him on New Years and i know that no mat­ter what takes place, i am loved, con­trolled and owned by Master; always.

This after­noon when W/we walked through the front door i imme­di­ately moved to my knees and felt at peace for hav­ing done so. When Master gran­ted me per­mis­sion to shower i crawled (until Master instruc­ted me to walk) and when Master was rest­ing in the liv­ing room i moved to the floor before Him (not on the sofa).

i feel at „home“ here with Master. i feel free with no fears of „being caught“. This is the life­style i crave to share with Master. Right now i am sit­ting on the floor, wear­ing Masters col­lar and i feel com­pletely relaxed even though i am exposed. i wear my col­lar at home as well but i do so with slight cau­tion as i do not wish for my fam­ily to see me wear­ing His col­lar. i am proud to have His mark around my (His) throat; how­ever, i am nervous to have my par­ents dis­cover my altern­at­ive life­style. This is why i am most excited to be here with Master; no hiding.

i have no idea what will hap­pen dur­ing my visit with Master and part of the excite­ment is the unknown. At any given moment Master could instruct _anything_ from me and there are no reas­ons (fam­ily walk­ing in, friends com­ing by for a visit) to be excused from any activ­ity in which Master desires. Holy! The know­ledge that any­thing could hap­pen cre­ates but­ter­flies deep within Masters slaves‘ body and they are both deli­cious and slight scary.

i trust Master though and i know everything He desires of me is never too much. i know Master will never break me. He may push me harder than i have ever been pushed but He will not break me.

How incred­ibly lucky am i!

~His slave