i always knew i was sub­missive, from an unusu­ally young age. i learned, with time and the patience of my Master, that i am very much a slave. As a psy­cho­logy buff i am acutely aware of beha­vi­oural train­ing, (and i often use such a tech­nique in my work life), which is why i am flab­ber­gas­ted that i am sur­prised at how con­di­tioned i am to/with Master.

In the begin­ning hav­ing to ask Master per­mis­sion was just that, “hav­ing” to ask. i would even roll my eyes each time He rein­forced the neces­sity to ask: to eat, to go to the bath­room, to speak, to give Him a kiss, et cet­era et cet­era. There were even times i would growl think­ing how ridicu­lous it all was.

Times have changed.

Everyday, i ask per­mis­sion for an array of priv­ileges. Sometimes Master gives me a reply, other times i have to assume i have per­mis­sion. i only assume for very spe­cial cir­cum­stances; situ­ations Master and i have already dis­cussed. For instance, if i am unable to reach Master i am per­mit­ted to eat whatever i choose; how­ever, i do leave mes­sages for Him so that He knows. i have blanket per­mis­sion to use the bath­room at any­time should i need to (when Master is not with me that is) and even though i am gran­ted this blanket per­mis­sion, in my (Masters) mind i still ask.

Master does not restrict me as pun­ish­ment or abuse but because i _need_ it. i crave, nay long for these expect­a­tions, (should have been a mil­it­ary ser­vant). i desire to be con­trolled, to have to answer to someone and finally, i have found that one man, my Master.

i have ached to have my Master in my life.

i remem­ber the men i dated, all who believed they were dom­in­ant; how­ever i would always “test” them. i would switch roles, becom­ing dom­in­ant and in charge and sud­denly each of them, one by one, would “bow-down” to me, eas­ily and hap­pily allow­ing, no beg­ging me to take con­trol of them and the situ­ation. This beha­viour, of course, would turn me off and within a week, the rela­tion­ship would be over.

Master never let go of the reigns.

He pulled tighter when i became feisty.

And He kept yank­ing even when i relaxed — just to remind me of my place.

i have been happy ever since.

~His leashed slave

Master and i exper­i­enced our first moment of expressed frus­tra­tion towards the hurdles in which W/we are encoun­ter­ing due to our dis­tance. Master and i both desire the same out­come: to be together; how­ever, Master and i have very dif­fer­ent ways of cop­ing with the chal­lenges W/we appear to be facing. i am an eternal optim­ist. i believe good shall pre­vail and all dreams are attain­able. Master is a real­ist. Master weighs the pros and cons, assess all likely out­comes and ration­al­izes all emo­tion based each par­tic­u­lar pos­sible out­come. With that said, Master is a pos­it­ive per­son, He is merely extremely prac­tical and i, although extremely pos­it­ive am also rational i just allow the dreams to take the lead to all my thoughts.

i can not image any­one else as my Partner, my Love, my Master and the idea of not being able to curl up with Him each night is merely unac­cept­able. i will go to all lengths to make O/our dreams come true.

Mmm..dreams. Master gave me the most won­der­ful dreams this after­noon after an incred­ible exper­i­ence i shared with Him today. This after­noon i received a par­cel in my mail, a par­cel that Master had ordered. Immediately i knew it was a naughty gift and i giggled as i tore open the brown paper. Inside the card­board box i found a soft black vibrat­ing egg with a remote con­trol key chain. i skipped to my bed­room, gig­gling with eager anti­cip­a­tion and tele­phoned Master.

Hearing Masters voice soothed me and i thanked Him for the new toy. He laughed as He had ordered it forever ago, but was still pleased the egg finally arrived. After far too much time was spent try­ing to place the bat­ter­ies into the toy prop­erly, at last it was buzz­ing and i was eager to play. Master chuckled as He heard my little girl giggle and after beg­ging, nay plead­ing Master per­mit­ted me to slip the egg into His slaves eager and already wet cunt.

The little egg fit per­fectly and i could not help but try all seven styles of buzz­ing. i was con­sumed with a deep lust as the toy buzzed and hummed and Masters hips imme­di­ately star­ted to grind against the bed. There were no inhab­i­tions with Master; i whimpered and moaned, squealed and whispered and of course came — over and over and over again.

Master takes me to knew heights every time W/we play and today was no excep­tion. The horn­ier i become the more i want to be fucked, used, viol­ated. Master instruc­ted me to fill His cunt with my pre­vi­ous favour­ite toy (the pink balls) while keep­ing the new toy inside His cunt. The moment the two toys bumped i was squirm­ing; unable to keep still. i was stuffed twice and yet i still wanted more. Master knew this and so gran­ted me to fill His asscunt with the crys­tal butt plug. i am gen­er­ally not a fan of this toy as it is extremely hard and unfor­giv­ing — it does not bend nor mold to Masters holes and there­fore makes me remain still and straight sit­ting. Today though i wanted it. i wanted to feel some pain; to fell full and used for Master.

Master was not fin­ished with His tor­ment­ing of His slave though. Master instruc­ted His slave to pick up a cloth­spin, relax the wire and then place it on the skin just around His slaves’ clit. Instantly i screamed, deep within my core, as i felt the hot burn­ing sen­sa­tion of the evil wooden device bit­ing at Masters swollen flesh. As always i became a con­tra­dic­tion. i did not want pain and yet i asked for more. At first the pain was slight as Master instruc­ted me to place a vibrator to the end of the peg; i wanted more though.

i begged for more. i pleaded.

my (Masters) mind was swirl­ing with thoughts and lust and all i could feel is a deep desire to embrace pain for Master. i begged Master to allow me to place the evil suc­tion toy over His clit. At first Master refused; how­ever, after much plead­ing and des­per­a­tion Master gran­ted me per­mis­sion; how­ever, Master stated that once it was on it would not be removed for five minutes.

i wanted it.

And so Master gran­ted me the pain. i placed the suc­tion over His engorged clit and pumped three times, squeez­ing tightly around the sens­it­ive nub. i turned the vibrator on and imme­di­ately Masters’ clit was sting­ing. i begged Master to allow me to remove it, des­per­ate for release and ter­ri­fied i would cum while the evil device was on. Master encour­aged me to con­tinue; i could hear the delight in His voice, how proud He was of His slave girl. i kept going, quickly embra­cing the pain as my (Masters’) cli­max was building.

i paused twice, cool­ing my (Masters’) body, stop­ping myself from cum­ming until at last, the waves over­whelmed me and i tighten, all of Masters muscles spas­ming from the intens­ity of my (Masters’) orgasm. my (Masters’) body shuddered, trembled, shook con­tinu­ously after O/our beau­ti­ful release and within minutes i was fast asleep.

i woke, warm and snuggled under my blankets and although Masters clit was aching, i felt an over­whelm­ingly won­der­ful close­ness to the man i cher­ish; my Master.

my exper­i­ence, as all exper­i­ences, made me real­ise i am not so much a mas­ochist as i am a slave who wishes to please and give abso­lutely everything to Master. i am com­pletely owned and i have learned that some­times through the pain i feel for Master i give myself to Master on levels that are strictly within O/our world of Master and slave.

i am an extremely loved and blessed slave.

~Masters grace