i may not remem­ber the first time i frus­trated my Master but i cer­tainly remem­ber the tone to His voice and the gut wrench­ing feel­ing i had in the depth of my soul. i felt an imme­di­ate loss, as though the magic of who i was to Him sud­denly dis­ap­peared. This remorse soon cre­ated frus­tra­tion; a frus­tra­tion that left me feel­ing hol­low and scared. i recall a sense of insec­ur­ity and i soon real­ised that i star­ted to dis­be­lieve in myself, in my slavery.

This was a defin­ing moment between Master and myself for it was then that i star­ted to hes­it­ate; requir­ing Master to repeat Himself, (some­thing He loathes), always ask­ing Master “why” instead of respond­ing with “Yes Master, Thank You Master”. my trep­id­a­tion was not motiv­ated with dis­respect but rather fear that i would dis­ap­point Master should i not ful­fill His desires 100%. This uncer­tainty would have eas­ily been avoided had i only com­mu­nic­ated effect­ively with Master or more import­antly believed in myself and my capabilities.

As belief in myself star­ted to deteri­or­ate my frus­tra­tions intens­i­fied. i did not wish for Master to ask of or desire some­thing from me or even to know my desires and fantas­ies. i was wor­ried that should i share my desires Master might wish to ful­fill them and what if i was unable to fol­low through? i did not wish to “let Master down”.

i no longer wanted tasks that chal­lenged me. i no longer wanted to grow as i felt that if i did not exper­i­ence more, noth­ing could be expec­ted of me. my lack of motiv­a­tion was a cata­lyst for Masters frus­tra­tion and thus could have poten­tially cre­ated a per­petual cycle of anger and mis­com­mu­nic­a­tion. Fortunately, Master paused rather than reacted to my fears, and approached me with patience. Master was will­ing to see through my masks of insec­ur­ity and instead of scold­ing me when i had done wrong, Master con­grat­u­lated me when i had done well.

Master helped build the found­a­tion of me believ­ing in myself by giv­ing me the greatest gift ima­gin­able: accept­ance.

Master con­tinu­ally praised me; not for being per­fect but for always try­ing. Trying with enthu­si­asm. Master helped me to believe in myself and my abil­it­ies and to embrace my imper­fec­tions. Master reminded me that try­ing regard­less of the out­come is success.

i have learned valu­able les­sons through O/our jour­ney and i now real­ise frus­tra­tion and dis­be­lief comes to fruition because of fear; fear from within myself. Just as Master has exhib­ited patience with me, i have gained patience with myself and my slave­hood. i have gained patience with Masters body; accept­ing my (Masters) body for all imper­fec­tions and under­stand­ing i can and will be the per­fect slave to Master.

Since i have found my belief i have trust in my growth and i have trust with my Master. i know i will still try Masters patience from time to time but those moments will be fewer and far between as the months pass and i open myself to all O/our desires. i know i have made huge leaps and bounds dur­ing the past month, explor­ing without hesitation.

i will con­tinue to make Master proud.

i know i have made Master extremely proud very recently with O/our growth. i have opened myself to both of O/our lusts and i have found intense rewards both phys­ic­ally and men­tally. i have relaxed Masters body and filled His holes com­pletely, stuff­ing both His cunt and asscunt. i have exposed myself and there is no turn­ing back.

Pandora’s box is open. Wide open.

~His grace

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