I real­ise that the word het­ero­sexual is so rarely used and even rarer when I speak with people involved in kink.  The real­ity, for me, is that I am only sexu­ally attrac­ted to het­ero­sexual men. In fact, I have no desire, no lust, no sexual attrac­tion to men who are attrac­ted to men, who wish to sexu­ally exper­i­ment with men or who are attrac­ted to indi­vidu­als who have both breasts as well as a penis.

I have been hes­it­ant to speak openly about my desires because I have exper­i­enced back­lash from some indi­vidu­als who have called me pre­ju­dice, have labelled me as a “hater” with regards to people who identify as gay or les­bian or bisexual or pan sexual or merely sexu­ally curi­ous.  I have even exper­i­enced both males and females telling me I am a hypo­crite because I have some sexual fantas­ies about me explor­ing with another female.  My sexual attrac­tion to a het­ero­sexual male has noth­ing to do with what I wish to sexu­ally exper­i­ence myself, rather it is about what I find sexu­ally attract­ive in a man.  My lust for a het­ero­sexual man is no dif­fer­ent than my sexual attrac­tion to men who are tall, men who are ath­letic, men who are dom­in­ant.  We all have pref­er­ences and we as a soci­ety have worked hard to ensure our pref­er­ences are accep­ted and yet I have received neg­at­ive feed­back for my preference.

I look at my sexual attrac­tion to het­ero­sexual men to be no dif­fer­ent than my sexual attrac­tion to a man who is dom­in­ant.  In a recent con­ver­sa­tion with Master I tried to explain to him that should he engage in a sexual and or kink con­text with a per­son who was born a man (as in gender male) but has had sur­gery to cre­ate breasts and iden­ti­fies as female, I would be turned off by said inter­ac­tion and I would look at Master dif­fer­ently. Master was, to say the least, shocked by my response espe­cially since he has stated many times through­out our rela­tion­ship that he is fas­cin­ated by “women with cocks” (his words).  Truly Master should not have been shocked as I have told him, repeatedly, that I find it unat­tract­ive to think of him being with a woman who also has a cock; how­ever, I believe it was the added part of, “and I am not cer­tain our rela­tion­ship would last” that really caused him to pause.

Master enga­ging in a sexual or kink con­text with a woman who has a cock is equi­val­ent to Master sub­mit­ting to another per­son. At least to me it is and the real­ity is I would not desire to be Masters’ slave if he were sub­missive to another, if he were to sub­mit to another. Just like I am sexu­ally attrac­ted to het­ero­sexual men I am only sexu­ally attrac­ted to men who are dom­in­ant, at least that is what I have dis­covered thus far through­out my 37 year long jour­ney.  I am not cer­tain if my explan­a­tion helped Master bet­ter under­stand my desires; how­ever, I hope it did for I would not want con­fu­sion between us, espe­cially over some­thing as import­ant as this.

Sexuality, from my exper­i­ence, is a rather sens­it­ive topic and many people have taken great offence to my words, my feel­ings, my opin­ion.  I am not sure where the anim­os­ity stems from espe­cially since I do not now nor have I ever stated that people of altern­ate sexu­al­it­ies from mine are less than me, not as import­ant  or wrong.  I do not judge another per­sons sexu­al­ity, to each his and her own. I do not have anger or dis­like for people who are bisexual, pan sexual, any­thing sexual, in fact sexu­al­ity is not a factor for me when hav­ing a con­nec­tion with someone, when hav­ing a friend­ship with someone.  When it comes to sexu­al­ity I believe it is import­ant for people to be hon­est with what he or she desires and to be true to him and her­self and I have believed that for many, many years; for as long as I can remem­ber in fact.

Sexual attrac­tion is indi­vidual. We all have our own tastes and desires and I rarely find two people who have identical sexual tastes.  Sexual attrac­tion (and it feels odd to say this as I want to believe every­one will under­stand and yet I have been burned by not being spe­cific so I shall say it now) is not the same as attrac­tion in gen­eral.  For instance I can find someone beau­ti­ful and or hand­some, I can find a per­sons’ per­son­al­ity attract­ive, a per­sons’ heart attract­ive and not be sexu­ally attrac­ted to them — they are very, very dif­fer­ent to me. They can over­lap and hope­fully for most people they do because com­plete attrac­tion to me is ideal but it does not always have to. For instance, I do not have to have sexual attrac­tion for friends, truth­fully I do not want sexual attrac­tion for friends but I am attrac­ted to my friends, merely on a dif­fer­ent level, in dif­fer­ent ways.

Beautiful people come in all shapes, sizes, col­ours, ages and genders. I am not dis­cuss­ing beauty though, I am dis­cuss­ing sexual attrac­tion, more spe­cific­ally I am dis­cuss­ing who I am sexu­ally attrac­ted to and when it comes to men I am sexu­ally attrac­ted to dom­in­ant het­ero­sexual nat­ur­ally born men. I am attrac­ted to dom­in­ant men who are attrac­ted to nat­ur­ally born, 100% XX chro­mo­somal, breast bar­ing, cunt defin­ing women and there is no shame in what I desire, what I am sexu­ally attrac­ted to.

I have always pro­tested, marched and verbally fought for peoples rights to love who they wish to love, to exper­i­ment, inter­act, engage in whomever he or she wishes to be with and that includes myself.*

Diversity is the spice of life. All diversity, even my het­ero­sexual attractions.

~His

*The only excep­tion to this per­spect­ive is when chil­dren are involved. Under no cir­cum­stances do I ever believe it is okay to be involved in a sexual rela­tion­ship with a child.

(Photographer unknown)

Minutes ago Master and I engaged in an inter­est­ing con­ver­sa­tion regard­ing mor­als and eth­ics. According to Master my stand­ards with regards to mor­als and eth­ics are far too high, impossibly high and allow extreme few to meet such expect­a­tions.  Unlike Master, I dis­agree. I do not think my mor­als and eth­ics are dis­pro­por­tion­ately high, I simply believe they are what I deem accept­able and are the types of traits I value in oth­ers.  This does not mean I do not asso­ci­ate with people who do not share my stand­ards, I abso­lutely do. What it means is that for those closest to my heart, for those who I allow into my small circle I expect a com­mon ground, a mutual respect and appre­ci­ation for sim­ilar beliefs and gen­eral approach to life and to fel­low human beings.

A strong sense of mor­als and eth­ics does not mean one can not make mis­takes. Goodness knows I have made choices that were any­thing but moral or eth­ical. I have par­ti­cip­ated in extra mar­ital affairs and I do not con­done my beha­viour at all. On the con­trary actu­ally. I felt great shame for my actions and although I can not change what I have done I cer­tainly have learned from my mis­takes and will not repeat such unfa­vour­able acts again.

Making mis­takes is a fun­da­mental way for human beings to learn, to grow. The act of inap­pro­pri­ate decision mak­ing is not how I cal­cu­late one’s eth­ics and mor­als, rather it is how a per­son grows from the exper­i­ence and whether or not they con­tinue to make poor choices or if they stop such actions. For instance, should a per­son have an affair it is not the affair itself that I am con­cerned with it is how they move for­ward. If after the affair said per­son con­tin­ues to cheat or par­ti­cip­ate in a spouse cheat­ing that is where I ques­tion one’s mor­als and eth­ics.  I make a thou­sand mis­takes a day. I say some­thing that hurts someone I love. I am unkind to a stranger. I for­get to say please and thank you. I embrace a pre­ju­di­cial thoughts. Everyday I error; how­ever, this does not mean I do not learn from them, that I do not hold myself account­able for my actions, respons­ible for my actions.

I openly share that a strong sense of mor­als and eth­ics is import­ant to me and that for people close to me, for those who I wish to spend time with, for those who hold a place in my heart, I desire them to share a com­mon ground with me.  Friendships involve a great deal of trust and com­mon­al­ity; how­ever, acquaint­ances are slightly removed, at least for me. I have many acquaint­ances in my life and I can enjoy their com­pany, play games with them, watch movies and engage in numer­ous activ­it­ies and I do not believe we need to have the same expect­a­tions with regards to mor­als and eth­ics. It would be great if we did; how­ever, as I am not shar­ing my love, not being vul­ner­able with them I do not require the same basic com­mon ground.

I do believe in right and wrong. I also believe that not everything in this world is grey. In fact some things are black and white. For instance, pre­med­it­ated murder is wrong. In my opin­ion it is wrong. Could there be reas­ons for such an action? Absolutely. Does that make the act right? No. Not in my opin­ion. Selling drugs is wrong. I am a huge “say no to drugs” advoc­ate. I do not like any type of drug, not even a fan of pre­scrip­tion nar­cot­ics to be hon­est. Selling of drugs is wrong. Plain and simple. To me at least. I do not tol­er­ate the selling of them and I do not engage in life long friend­ships with people who use drugs and or sells drugs.  I know of acquaint­ances who smoke marijuana and although I per­son­ally do not like that choice, it is their choice. I do not think less of them as people and I still enjoy their com­pany but they are not in my close circle of friends. Marital affairs is wrong. Could there be many reas­ons why a per­son looks out­side of the rela­tion­ship? Absolutely. Are some of those rela­tion­ships abus­ive, debil­it­at­ing, harm­ful even? Definitely. Is cheat­ing still right? No. The abuse, the harm is not right either; how­ever, one does not can­cel out the other.  Almost every decision a per­son makes has a reason but reas­ons do not make an action right.

There was a time when I apo­lo­gised for my strong sense of mor­als and eth­ics. I no longer do that. I do not believe my expect­a­tions are unat­tain­able or extreme and quite frankly it sad­dens me that any­one might feel that way. In fact I believe that if more people had stronger expect­a­tions of them­selves there would be less crime, less emo­tional abuse and hatred, less dam­age to this world. If people were respons­ible for their actions, if they were expec­ted to face the people they hurt, forced to face the out­come of their actions, people would think twice about what they do. We live in a soci­ety where people do not accept respons­ib­il­ity for their actions and I think much of that has to do with a lack of integ­rity soci­ety has. It has to do with no one hold­ing people account­able, it has to do with a lack of genu­ine reper­cus­sions due to spe­cific actions.  I believe we live in a world where “I am sorry” is spoken as often and as mean­ing­less as “how are you” when spoken between two people walk­ing in oppos­ite dir­ec­tions down a crowded hall­way. No mean­ing, spoken out of reflex with the offence reoc­cur­ring over and over and over again.

Having strong mor­als and eth­ics does not mean I am not open to learn from oth­ers, about oth­ers. It does not mean that I believe I am always right and never wrong. Goodness knows I have learned, through numer­ous pain­ful les­sons, just how wrong I can be. It also does not mean I think I am above any­one else, that we are not all equal. I do believe all human beings are equal as in, no one per­son is worth more than another. All it means is that I do not wish to be friends with someone, I do not wish to share my heart, my life with someone who does not share in some­thing I value, some­thing I believe in.

At the end of the day we all live with our choices and I am proud of many of the choices I make. Many, not all. I am still a work in pro­gress and some­times it would be easier to not remain true to my own con­vic­tions, to simply give in; how­ever, that would be the easy way out and I wish to make each day worthwhile.

I appre­ci­ate my mor­als and eth­ics and find they have helped me live a pro­duct­ive, ener­getic, sexy, fun, pas­sion­ate, ful­filling life and I will not sac­rfice my mor­als and eth­ics. I will not no longer put what is import­ant to me on the side. No more apo­lo­giz­ing. No more defending.

~His

I real­ise that this entry does not speak about the Master/slave rela­tion­ship I share with Master; how­ever, my mor­als and eth­ics are a huge com­pon­ent to our exchange espe­cially when con­sid­er­ing a toy/dolly. In order for me to feel com­fort­able with a live in toy/dolly she would have to share my mor­als and eth­ics oth­er­wise it simply would not work.

(Artist unknown)